Fun with French

This was sent to me by Tim Penner in Canada.

"Canada's Prime Minister in the late 50's and early 60's was John Diefenbaker, notorious in the French-speaking province of Quebec for his horrible French pronunciation, (he couldn't speak French, he just read it out loud.)

One day, he was expressing his appreciation for having been invited to attend a ceremony in Quebec. He mispronounced the word "appreciate" in French. In English, we say "appree-shee-ate" but in French they say "appréciez - pronounced appray-see-aye". Unfortunately he said "appray-shee-aye", which means "after having shit". So, what his French audience heard was, "After having shit, I'm pleased to be here."

A guide to investments

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Well, I'm a little short this month.").

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

Praise or sarcasm?