Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
Sign outside a radiator repair shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
Sign on the door of a maternity room: "Push, Push, Push."
Sign on a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
Sign at an optician's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
Sign on a physisist's door: "Gone Fission"
Sign on a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
Sign on another butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
Sign at a used car lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign on a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
Sign at a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign outside an exhaust shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you
Sign outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
Sign at an auto body repair shop: "May we have the next dents?"
Sign in a dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
Sign on a receptionist's desk: "I shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
Sign in a vet's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Sign on a music teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
Sign on the door of a music library: "Bach in a minuet."
Sign in a beauty shop: "Dye now!"
Sign on the side of a rubbish lorry: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Sign on the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
Sign in a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Sign inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
Sign in a cafe: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafe. Socks can eat any place they want."
Sign at the front of a funeral parlour: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
Sign in a counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."
Sign in front of a low entrance door: "Duck or grouse."