I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdnieag. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!
The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
Sent to me from James:-
IF YOU'RE TOO OPEN MINDED, YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL OUT.
AGE IS A VERY HIGH PRICE TO PAY FOR MATURITY.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
IF YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO EVILS, PICK THE ONE YOU'VE NEVER TRIED BEFORE.
MY IDEA OF HOUSEWORK IS TO SWEEP THE ROOM WITH A GLANCE.
IF YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR PASSPORT PICTURE, YOU PROBABLY NEED THE TRIP.
BILLS TRAVEL THROUGH THE MAIL AT TWICE THE SPEED OF CHEQUES.
A CONSCIENCE IS WHAT HURTS WHEN ALL YOUR OTHER PARTS FEEL GOOD.
A BALANCED DIET IS A COOKIE IN EACH HAND.
MIDDLE AGE IS WHEN BROADNESS OF THE MIND AND NARROWNESS OF THE WAIST CHANGE PLACES.
JUNK IS SOMETHING YOU'VE KEPT FOR YEARS AND THROW AWAY THREE WEEKS BEFORE YOU NEED IT.
THERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE IMBECILE THAN YOU COUNTED ON.
EXPERIENCE IS A WONDERFUL THING. IT ENABLES YOU TO RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE WHEN YOU MAKE IT AGAIN.
THOU SHALT NOT WEIGH MORE THAN THY REFRIGERATOR.
SOMEONE WHO THINKS LOGICALLY PROVIDES A NICE CONTRAST TO THE REAL WORLD.
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a lovely sense of humour.
Q: I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesn't...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in KingsCross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless and can be safely handled, and make good pets!
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
For all you lexophiles (lovers of words).
- Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
- A backward poet writes in verse.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- Practise safe eating - always use condiments.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
- A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?