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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

The possibilities of changing just "1" letter in a word

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you
realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.

More Barker - Pisrmronunciation

"Good evening. I am the president of the Loyal Society for the Relief of Suffers from Pismronunciation, for the relief of people who can't say their worms correctly, or who use the wrong worms entirely, so that other people cannot underhand a bird they are spraying. It's just that you open your mouse, and the worms come turbling out in wuck a say that you dick not what you're thugging to be, and it's very distressing.

"I'm always looing it, and it makes one feel umbumftorcacle, especially when one is going about one's diddly tasks. Slopping at the Sloopermarket, for instance. Only last wonk, I approached the chuckout point, and I shooed the ghoul behind the crash desk the contents of my trilly, and she said 'All right, granddad, shout 'em out.' Well, of course, that's fine for the ordinary man in the stoat who has no dribble with his wolds. For someone like myself, it's worse than a kick in the jackstrop.

"Sometimes, you get stuck on one letter, such as wubbleyou. And I said, 'Well, I've got a tin of woup, a woucumber, two packets of wheese and a walliflower'. She tried to make fun of me and said, 'That will be woo pounds, wifty-wee pence.' So I just said 'Wobblers!' and walked out.

"So you see how dickyfelt it is. But help is at hand. A new society has been formed by our mumblers to help each other in times of excream ices. It is balled Pismronouncers Unanimous, and anyone can ball them up on the smellyphone any time of the day or note, twenty-four flowers a spray, seven stays a creek, and they will come 'round and get drunk with you.

"For foreigners, there will be inperpetwitters, who will all speak many sandwiches, such as Swedish, Turkish, Burkish, Jewish, Gibberish and Rubbish. Membranes will be able to attend tight stool, for heaving classes, to learn how to grope with the many complinkities of the daily loaf.

"Which brings me to the drain reason for squeaking to you tonight. The society's first function as a body was a grand garden freight, and we hope for many more bodily functions in the future. The garden plate was held in the grounds of Blennham Paleyass, Woodstick, and the guest of horror was the great American pip singer, Manny Barrellow. The fete was opened by the bleeder of the opposition, Mister Dale Pinnock ... Pillock, who gave us a few well-frozen worms in praise of the society's jerk. He said that 'In the creeks and stunts that lie ahead, we must do out nut roast to ensure that it sucks weeds.' "And everyone visited the various stores and abrusements, the rudeabouts, thing boats and the dodgers, and of course, all the old favorites such as Srty your Length, guessing the weight of the cook and tinning the pale on the wonky. The occasion was great fun, and I think it can safely be said that all the men present and thoroughly good women were had all the time.

"So, please join out society. Write to me, Doctor Small Pith, The Spanner, Poke Moses, and I will send you some brieflets to browse through and a brass badge to wear in your loophole."

In tribute to Ronnie Barker - English genius

Best Lines from the Two Ronnies:-

On a packed show tonight, we'll be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who can no longer make ends meet.

The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies.

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

And we will be speaking to the scientist who crossed a yard of ale beer glass with a Chinese vase and a chamber pot, to get a ping-pong-piddle-high-po.

The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.

Ronnie Corbett (shop assistant): There you are, four candles.
Ronnie Barker: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!

Ronnie Barker: There now follows a sketch featuring ghosties and ghoulies.
Ronnie Corbett: In which I get caught by the ghosties...
Ronnie Barker: And I get caught by surprise!

Tonight, we'll be asking: "Should all married couples be frank and earnest, or should one of them be a woman..."

"...and we will be speaking to the disillusioned vet who, in James Herriott style, is writing his memoirs, under the working title of 'All Creatures Grunt and Smell'.

Im speaking on behalf of people who have trouble with worms, they can't pronounce their worms properly.

Grecian 2000 have assured greying men that there product will still work after midnight on Millennium eve.

As a butler: Your biscuits, milady", "your crackers, milord"... and "Your sweet, milady", "your nuts, milord"...


Best lines from Porridge:-

We dug another tunnel, and hid the dirt in there.


What have I learned, Mr Mackay? Three things. One - bide your time. Two - keep your nose clean. And three - don't let the bastards grind you down.

Doctor: I want you to fill one of those containers for me.
Fletcher (other side of the room): What, from 'ere?

Fletcher: "My aunt did some missionary work Mr Mackay."
Mr Mackay: "Oh yes Fletcher where was that?"
Fletcher: "Glasgow I think."


Fletcher (In hospital ward): My foot's gone to sleep and I'd like to catch it up.

(Playing Monopoly) Would you Adam and Eve it? Go to jail!

Best lines from Open All Hours:-

Arkwright: Don't just crit there siticising!

Arkwright (who suffered from a stutter): How many Ps in per per per per peppers, six or seven?"

Granville: "This Jamaican ginger cake's not from Jamaica."
Arkwright: "So? We sell Mars bars, don't we?"

Arkwright: What he comes in for is his business. What he goes out with is my business.

As himself:-

To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, it's the best job in the world.


Most famous sign off:-

Ronnie Corbett: So it's good night from me...
Ronnie Barker: ...and it's good night from him. Good night!

Life Explained

On the first day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years."

Happily man went away.

On the second day, God created cow and said, "You must go into the field for man all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support man's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years."

Cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span."

Monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back some like the cow did?"

So God agreed and took back 10.

On the fourth day, God created dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks by. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years."

Dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back 10 like the others?"

And God agreed again.

On hearing what had happened man came to God and said "I have only got 20 years to live. Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 cow gave back, the 10 monkey gave back, and the 10 dog gave back; that makes 80, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.