Cleaner Bits For a Tidier Net
February 28, 2006
It's that time again!
As many of you know, each leap year the internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better-working and faster internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m. GMT on Feb. 29 until 12:01 a.m. GMT on March 1. During that 24-hour period, five powerful internet-crawling robots situated around the world will search the internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following:
Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their internet connections.
Shut down all internet servers, or disconnect them from the internet.
Disconnect all disks and hardrives from any connections to the internet.
Refrain from connecting any computer to the internet in any way.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam.
We thank you for your cooperation.
Interconnected Network Maintenance staff
Main branch, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Sysops and others: Since the last internet cleaning, the number of internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the public of the upcoming internet cleaning by posting this message where your users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other sysops and internet users as well. Thank you.
The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
Cleaner Bits For a Tidier Net
If you are still alone this Valentine's Day, it might be time to get desperate. Here are probably the worst chat up lines ever:-
Do you come here often?
Where have you been all my life?
You look a lot like my next girlfriend / boyfriend.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
What's your star sign?
You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
What's a nice girl/boy like you doing in a place like this?
I may not be the best looking guy/girl here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
And here's a real face slapper:-
It's late.... you'll do!
A man walks into a pet shop and heads directly to the bird section. The owner comes over and asks if he can help. “Yeah, I'd like a parrot," the man says, that one there'll do. The owner puts the parrot in a cage and the man pays and leaves the shop.
He drives to a bridge and looks down at the 1000 foot drop and thinks, “This looks like a good place.” He takes the parrot out of the bag, and jumps off the bridge. Halfway down, he takes a gun out of his pocket and shoots the parrot. He then falls all the way to the bottom.
Moments later, the police arrive on the bridge. A policeman walks up to the edge and looks down at the mangled body. "When will these extreme sport fanatics ever learn," he asks himself. “First there was budgie jumping, then hen gliding and now parrot shooting.”
The Law Society in Britain has highlighted some unusual pieces of legislation which remain on the statute book.
Hanging washing in the street, beating a carpet and flying a kite are set out in the Town Police Clauses Act, 1847, (chapter 89, section 28) as punishable by a £1,000 fine.
It is also illegal to wear armour to Parliament (Royal Prerogative 1279)
Fire a cannon close to a dwelling house (Met Police Act 1839)
Bet or gamble in the library reading room (Library Offences Act 1898)
Use any slide upon ice or snow (Town Police Clauses Act 1847)
Drive cattle through the streets of London (Metropolitan Streets Act 1867)
The Licensing Act 1872, says that being drunk in charge of a horse, cow or steam engine incurs a £200 fine and possibly jail for up to 51 weeks.
Some laws never came into effect. For example:-
The Easter Act 1928, which deemed that Easter Sunday should be fixed as the first Sunday after the second Saturday in April. But to enforce it would require agreement with Christian churches around the world.
Some laws have been reintroduced. For example:-
ou must, according to the Royal Prerogative passed in 1324, offer to the Crown any whales and sturgeon caught or washed up along the British coastline. In 2004, fisherman Robert Davies was investigated by police in Plymouth after selling a sturgeon caught in Swansea Bay. He had faxed the Master of the Royal Household and was told to keep the fish but was unaware it was still illegal to sell. He was not prosecuted and Stan the sturgeon ended up in the Natural History Museum.
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Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash.
Then your situtation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame, sir!
We'll find you
another game, sir!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of Gauss,
So your icons in the windows are so wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC.
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!