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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

The Major Usenet User Song - Podcast

(Based on the Major General's song from "The Pirates of Penzance", Gilbert & Sullivan)
--Author Unknown


powered by ODEO

I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I know the basic elements of alien biology,
And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,
I've seen "The Wrath of Khan" and every Star Trek film that followed it,
I moan about my Service card and how the cash till swallowed it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
-
With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!

ALL: With many cheerful etc.

I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.

ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.

I post in alt.revisionism all about the Holocaust,
I cut my .sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced,
I really can't believe the "Good Times" virus to be mythical,
My tax is going up which is, frankly, bloody typical,
I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how,
And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now,
I have a very poor grip of political geography,
-
And no involvement yet in any online pornography,

ALL: And absolutely no, etc.

I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe,
And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.

ALL: In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "binary" and "FTP",
When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .ue,
When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC,
And when I know the words initialised to form "http",
When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre,
When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car,
In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette,
-
You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net.

ALL: You'll say a better individual, etc.

For my technical experience, although I claim to know it all
Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL;
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.

ALL: But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.

Masculine or Feminine?

Many languages refer to everyday objects as either masculine or femimine.
Wouldn't English be more interesting and versatile if we did, too?
These suggestions are from the Washington Post, which asked readers to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason. Here are some of the best submissions:-

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it.and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It is also an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed, but it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

(Sent in by James)

A Terrifying Message from Al Gore - Video

A Terrifying Message from Al Gore

Sometimes humour masks our fear.

The easiest quiz in the world

[01] How long did the Hundred Years War last?

[02] What was New Mexico named after?

[03] Which country makes the most Panama Hats?

[04] In the story "1001 Arabian nights" what nationality was Aladdin?

[05] What nationality were the original Pennsylvania Dutch?

[06] From which animal do we get catgut?

[07] In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

[08] What material was used to clad the sides of the US warship "Old Ironsides"?.

[09] What is a Camel hair brush made of?

[10] The Canary Islands are named after what animal?

[11] What was King George VI's first name?

[12] What color is a Purple Finch?

[13] What bird has the scientific name Puffinus puffinus puffinus?

[14] What colour are White Rhinos?

[15] How long did the Thirty Years War last?

The question is - Why?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why are marbles called marbles when they're made of glass?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money into telescopes just to look at things on the ground?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why does rain "drop" but snow "falls".

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why do we call it a building if it's already been built?

Why do we go under over-passes and over under-passes?

Why doesn't the hair on your arms and legs grow as fast as the hair on your head?

Why are they called 'Hot Dogs' when they are not even dog meat?

Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are running low?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

Why do we say an alarm clock 'goes off' when really it 'comes on'?

Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

Why is China also called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

Why is more than one goose called geese but more than one moose is not meese?

Why is a manhole cover round?

Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why did Noah let mosquitoes onto the ark?

Why do they call Greenland Greenland when its all ice, and Iceland
Iceland when its all green?

Why are stairs called 'stairs' when inside, but when you're outside they're called 'steps'?

Why does round pizza come in a square box?

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when you're not allowed to smoke there?

Why do people keep on pushing more and more buttons when their computer freezes?

Why are periods called MENstruation?

Why do teachers need answer books?

Why isn't phonetic spelt the way it sounds?

Why do they say, "In Case of Fire, Do Not Use Elevator"? How would you put a fire out with an elevator?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money in the account?

Why is it called a MISSile if it was made to hit things?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do you always push a door when it says pull and pull it when it says push?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why are we willing to spend hours looking for the remote control and unwilling to just walk to the TV?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we call trousers a “pair of trousers” but a bra is only a bra?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his skin, but he ducks when anyone throws something at him?

Why is it called a TV set when you only get one?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?

Why do people keep looking in the refrigerator to see if there's something to eat?

Why don't plastic bags open on your first try?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to stop something falling off the table you knock something else off?

Why do we say "It's all right," when someone knocks into us?

Why do we try to keep our houses as warm in winter as it was during the summer when we complained about the heat?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why do people say that they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?

Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV?

Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up at least every two hours?

Why do Americans choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?