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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Things that sound dirty in the office, but aren't

  1. I need to whip it out by 5!
  2. Mind if I use your laptop?
  3. Put it in my box before I leave.
  4. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
  5. I want it on my desk NOW!!
  6. Hmmm........I think it's out of fluid.
  7. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
  8. It's an entry-level position.
  9. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
  10. It's not fair...I do all the work and he just sits there.

The wrong man

This is a now famous BBC goof. Poor Guy Goma, a graduate from the Congo, appeared on the news channel in place of an IT expert after a mix-up at reception. Mr Goma was really at the BBC for a job interview. He said later that his appearance was "very stressful" and wondered why the questions were not related to the data support cleanser job he applied for. Poor guy didn't even get the job!

Things that sound dirty In law, but aren't

  1. Have you looked through her briefs?
  2. He is one hard judge!
  3. Counsellor, let's do it in chambers.
  4. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
  5. Is it a penal offense?
  6. Better leave the handcuffs on.
  7. For €200 an hour, she'd better be good!
  8. Can you get him to drop his suit?
  9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could
  10. Think you can get me off?

You know you're British when...

You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable.

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a curry house.

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.

You're always half an hour late to work and no one notices or even cares.

You can actually give directions to tourists on Oxford Street!

You step over a drunk on the underground rather than offering to help them.

You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the weather is like. You know it is grey and overcast.

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub.

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes and moisturize daily.

You collapse with laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!).

You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable.

You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser

You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'.

You only realise you have lost your sun glasses when you remember you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.

You like English cooking. After all, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year.

You buy disposable baby BBQs from Tesco.

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

You always call soccer "football" and you support a team that's not Manchester United.

You don't think twice about buying a sandwich wrapped in cellophane.

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear.

You've accepted queuing as a way of life. In fact you're proud of how good you are at it.

More one-liners

1. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
2. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
3. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
4. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
6. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
7. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
8. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
9. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
10. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.