Splitting Headache

Splitting Headache
Originally uploaded by YTaP

Anybody got an aspirin?

Happy Halloween!

Split means to divide into two or more parts, especially along a particular line.

A headache is a pain you feel inside your head.

I've got a splitting headache, means I've got a really bad headache.

Of course in this photo this is a joke. I have a knife through my head, and therefore my head is split.

What is an Emo?

Emo is a style of rock music which describes several independent music styles with common roots. As such, use of the term has been the subject of much debate. Here is one 'spoof' explanation:-

The IgNobles

Ignoble means completely lacking nobility in character or quality or purpose.

The IgNoble awards are a parody of the Nobel Prizes and are given each year in early October — around the time the recipients of the genuine Nobel Prizes are announced — for ten achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think."

These are the winners for 2007:-

• Aviation: Patricia V. Agostino, Santiago A. Plano and Diego A. Golombek, for discovering that hamsters recover from jetlag more quickly when given Viagra.
• Biology: Johanna E.M.H. van Bronswijk, for taking a census of all the mites and other life forms that live in people's beds.
• Chemistry: Mayu Yamamoto for extracting vanilla flavour from cow dung.
• Economics: Kuo Cheng Hsieh, for patenting a device to catch bank robbers by ensnaring them in a net.
• Linguistics: Juan Manuel Toro, Josep B. Trobalon and Nuria Sebastian-Galles, for determining that rats sometimes can't distinguish between Japanese, played backward, and Dutch, played backward.
• Literature: Glenda Browne, for her study of the word "the".
• Medicine: Dan Meyer and Brian Witcombe, for investigating the side-effects of swallowing swords.
• Nutrition: Brian Wansink, for investigating people's appetite for mindless eating by secretly feeding them a self-refilling bowl of soup.
• Peace: The Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio, for suggesting the research and development of a "gay bomb," which would cause enemy troops to become sexually attracted to each other.
• Physics: L. Mahadevan and Enrique Cerda Villablanca for their theoretical study of how sheets become wrinkled.

Dust

Is dust high in fat or low in fat?

More play on words

"The man who runs in front of a car gets tired"

"The man who runs behind a car gets exhausted"

"Two wrongs do not make a right - Three lefts do"

"The man who sits on a tack gets the point!"

"The man who lives in a glass house should change in the basement"

"If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient."

Kiss or shake?

"Ah Ted. Perfect timing. You remember Annette?"
"Of course."

"And you must be Geoffrey."

"Uh. This is Linda from accounting."

"Ted. You old dog. How’s that golf game?"

"SHAKING HANDS SPREADS MORE GERMS THAN KISSING."

"So. Doesn't seem like a Tuesday, does it?"

(The Boardroom Kisses ad was developed by advertising agency Rethink for Science World, a hands-on science centre offering entertaining and educational experiences to families in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.)

Groan - More Bad puns

If lawyers can be disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then why can't:-

Electricians be delighted.
Musicians denoted.
Cowboys deranged.
Models deposed.
Dry cleaners depressed.
Bed makers debunked.
Baseball players debased.
Teachers declassified.
Bulldozer operators degraded.
Organ donors delivered.
Software engineers detested.
Underwear makers debriefed.
Musical composers decomposed.
And hopefully politicians devoted.

Eat it!

How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it.

Don't wanna argue, I don't wanna debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate.
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it, don't you tell me your full.


Just eat it, eat it , eat it.
Get yourself an egg and beat it.
Have some more chicken, have some more pie.
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried.
Just eat it, eat it,
Just eat it, eat it,
Just eat it, eat it.

Your table manners are a cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it.

You better listen, better do what you're told.
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole.
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold.
So eat it.

I don't care if you're full,
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it.
Open up your mouth and feed it.
Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam.
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned.
Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it.
Have a banana, have a whole bunch,
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch.
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it,
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it.
Have a big dinner, have a light snack.
If you don't like it you can't send it back.
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it.
Get yourself an egg and beat it.
Have some more chicken, have some more pie.
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried,
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it,
Don't you make me repeat it.
Have a banana,(woohoo) have a whole bunch,
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch.
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Star Wars - Princess Leia as you've never seen him before

Running out of one-liners? Not yet

1. Gravity always gets me down.
2. This statement is false.
3. Eschew obfuscation.
4. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
5. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
6. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
7. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
8. Honk if you like peace and quiet.
9. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
10. Don't steal. The government hates competition.