Featured post

Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Login

Login: yes.
Password: I don't have one.
password is incorrect

Login: yes
Password: incorrect

A bit of a rude one:-

U have been warned...




1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15, y0u r34||y n33d 70 637 |41d.

Mr Knott and Mr Watt

Mr.Watt rang Mr.Knott.

Knott: "Who's calling?"
Watt: "Watt."
Knott: "What is your name, please?"
Watt: "Watt's my name."
Knott: "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
Watt: "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
[Pause]
Watt: "Is this James Brown?"
Knott: "No, this is Knott."
Watt: "Please tell me your name."
Knott: "Will Knott."
Watt: "Why not?"
Knott: "Huh? What do you mean why not?"
Watt: "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
Knott: "But I told you my name!"
Watt: "No you didn't you said, "Will not".
Knott: "Not not, Knott, Will Knott!"
Watt: "That's what I mean."
Knott: "So you know my name."
Watt: "Of course not!"
Knott: "Good. So now, what is yours?"
Watt: "Watt. Yours?"
Knott: "Your name!"
Watt: "Watt's my name."
Knott: "How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
Watt: "Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet."
Knott: "You've been patient? What about me?"
[Pause]
Knott: "I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet."
"Of course not!"
Knott: "See, you even know my name!"
"Of course not!"
Knott: "Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
"Because I don't."
[Pause]
Knott: "What is your name?"
Watt: "See, you do know!"
Knott: "Of course not!"
Watt:"Then why do you keep saying, Watt is your name."
Knott: "To find out your name!"
Watt: "But you already know it!"
Knott: "What?"
Watt: "See!"
Knott: "Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what would your answer be?"
Watt: "Watt's my name."
Knott: "No, no, give me only one word."
Watt: "Watt"
Knott: "Your name!"
Watt: "Right!"
[Pause before it hits him]
Knott: "Oh, Wright!"
Watt: "Yeah!"
Knott: "So why didn't you say so before?"
Watt: "I told you so many times!"
Knott: "You never said Wright before"
Watt: "Of course I did."
Knott: "OK I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
Watt: "I do not."
Knott: Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
Watt: "I do not!"
Knott: "Good!"
Watt: "Oh, Guud!"
Knott: "Good."
Watt: "No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
Knott: "No, it's Knott!"
Watt: "Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
Knott: "Yes Wright."

Funny New Year's Quotes

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humour lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
Leonard Bernstein

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.
G. K. Chesterton

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
Judith Crist

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
Charles Lamb

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
Jay Leno

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
Anais Nin

The proper behaviour all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.
Robert Paul

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Mark Twain

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughan

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
Bill Vaughan

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Oscar Wilde

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
Oprah Winfrey

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
Eric Zorn

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
Anonymous

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
Anonymous

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. Anonymous