Fish - spelt phonetically
The word ghoti phonetically spells: FISH
gh as in laugh (f)
o as in women (i)
ti as in nation (sh)
Fun with French
This was sent to me by Tim Penner in Canada.
"Canada's Prime Minister in the late 50's and early 60's was John Diefenbaker, notorious in the French-speaking province of Quebec for his horrible French pronunciation, (he couldn't speak French, he just read it out loud.)
One day, he was expressing his appreciation for having been invited to attend a ceremony in Quebec. He mispronounced the word "appreciate" in French. In English, we say "appree-shee-ate" but in French they say "appréciez - pronounced appray-see-aye". Unfortunately he said "appray-shee-aye", which means "after having shit". So, what his French audience heard was, "After having shit, I'm pleased to be here."
A guide to investments
BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.
BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Well, I'm a little short this month.").
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.
Interesting Statistics
Average life expectancy ( in seconds ) of an enemy soldier in a Chuck Norris film: 4
Number of men who have written letters proposing marriage to Vanna White: 3506
Age most people stop believing in Santa Claus: 8
Age most people stop believing in politicians: 7
Number of chemical elements in the universe: 104
In a glass of New Jersey tap water: 98
Number of days into baseball season before Chicago Cubs are written off as pennant contenders: 5
Average powder base ( in inches ) on Aspen ski slope: 17
On Tammy Bakker: 1/4
Salary of the average Pro Wrestler: $47,500 /yr.
If Pro Wrestling didn't exist: $4.25/hr.
Number of things that annoy Andy Rooney: 2,000,000
Number of people annoyed by Andy Rooney: 23,000,000
Average miles per gallon you can expect if a car maker's ad says " 30 mpg, city": 23
Number of people who aren't doctors, but play them on TV: 57
Who aren't doctor's but play them in hospitals: 5,840
Number of people in the history of air travel who have been able to get a $99 Maxsaver fare to coast: 2
Restrictions for that fare: 237
Percentage of the public that understand the new tax code: 11%
Percentage of accountants who understand it: 9%
Percentage of IRS employees who understand it: 6%
Number of people who work for the government: about half
Number of Americans who believe any of the statistics on this page are accurate: 2,478,644
Who believe TV Evangelists are trustworthy: 2,478,644