The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
In the event of a nuclear attack during the cold war, the authoritative voice of the British broadcaster's Wartime Broadcasting Service would have transmitted a list of advice every two hours. The idea was that people would have been reassured:-
"This country has been attacked with nuclear weapons. Communications have been severely disrupted, and the number of casualties and the extent of the damage are not yet known," the message started.
Remember, there is nothing to be gained by trying to get away. By leaving your homes you could be exposing yourselves to greater danger... Radioactive fall-out, which followed a nuclear explosion, is many times more dangerous if you are directly exposed to it in the open. Stay tuned to this wavelength, stay calm and stay in your own homes.
Stay in your own homes, and if you live in an area where a fall-out warning has been given stay in your fall-out room, until you are told it is safe to come out.
The message that the immediate danger has passed will be given by the sirens and repeated on this wavelength. Make sure that the gas and all fuel supplies are turned off and that all fires are extinguished.
Water must be rationed, and used only for essential drinking and cooking purposes. It must not be used for flushing lavatories. Ration your food supply: it may have to last for 14 days or more.
We shall repeat this broadcast in two hours' time. Stay tuned to this wavelength, but switch your radios off now to save your batteries until we come on the air again.
That is the end of this broadcast."
01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
03. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The Chinese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.
The Latinos eat lots of Chilli and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or American
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is what kills you.
Thanks to Lokenrc.
The Washington Post has come up with some more gems for alternative meanings for words:-
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.