Panelists discuss a new report that found only 84% of education funding goes to teaching children about whales.
The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
Women are like apples.
The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
But men? They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to turn them into a wine good enough to have dinner with, before they turn into bitter old raisins.
Thanks to Hilde
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.
3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)
5. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot', which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' - that will bring on No. 7).
7. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying, "F-- YOU!"
8. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to No. 4.
9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "Fine".
Send this link to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Send this link to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because we know it's true!
(Thanks to James for sending me this.)
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5. You will soon forward this link to another idiot.
6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.
I apologize for this.
I'm also an idiot, but I needed company ......
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my mum and dad went into town and went into a shop.
They were only in there for about 5 minutes. When they came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket.
They went up to him and said, 'Come on, how about giving a couple of senior citizens a break?'
He ignored them and continued to write the ticket. My dad called him a Nazi.
He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my mum called him a job's worth. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more they abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Of course they didn't care. They'd gone into town by bus.
They try to have a little fun each day now that they're retired.
It's important at their age.
(Thanks to James.)