The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
Which type do you associate yours with?
You see it, you grab it...then you cry.
Makes you eat less and less each time you have it.
You doubt its existence!
You make a few moves and voila, it disappears!
You don't know when it's coming and/or how long it'll last
Black Humour Salary
You laugh so you don't cry!
Takes your inspiration away!
When you need it the most, it fails you….
Comes once a month and lasts about 3 days
Walt Disney Salary
It's been frozen for 30 years!
Thanks to Hilde:-
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
I heard it through the grapevine.
(To understand this one you need to know how to pronounce Pinot, basically it sounds like "pee no". Got it?)
"Doctor, I have an earache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 A.D. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Thanks to Chewks.
As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore and Uzbekistan.
If you don't send this link to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 1,000 camels will infest your armpits.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it was on Good Morning Australia.
By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have enough sex, always read online while holding the mouse.
Don't bother letting go now, it's too late.