Featured post

Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Preparing For The Apocalypse

Another great video from the Onion - just remember it's a spoof!

Truth is stranger than fiction

The following stories are allegedly true:-

A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death.

In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright.

A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore -- where a tree blew over and killed him.

Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge -- killing him.

Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England, was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull.

Depressed since he could not find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy, with a gun in his hand threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife.

Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison.

Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched.

Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hung himself. When his wife came home and saw him she fainted. Hearing a disturbance a neighbour came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside. This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart attack. Happily, Mr. Fen was acquitted of manslaughter and he and his wife were reconciled.

The Truth About Men

Thanks to James.

Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker? His throat gets dry, he goes weak at the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.

Have you ever wondered why?

See below for answer:-





















It's because she smells like a new golf bag!

The Upper Hand

I just added the idiom "To have the upper hand" on the body idioms page. Then I remembered this song and found it on YouTube. Enjoy:-



The Lyrics:-

Lord Elderley, Lord Borrowmere,
Lord Sickert and Lord Camp,
With every virtue, every grace,
Ah what avails the sceptered race,
Here you see-the four of us,
And there are so many more of us
Eldest sons that must succeed.
We know how Caesar conquered Gaul,
And how to whack a cricket ball;
Apart from this, our education lacks co-ordination.
Though we're young and tentative,
And rather rip-representative,
Scions of a noble breed,
We are the products of those homes serene and stately
That only lately
Seem to have run to seed!

Chorus

The Stately Homes of England,
How beautiful they stand,
To prove the upper classes
Have still the upper hand;
Though the fact that they have to be rebuilt
And frequently mortgaged to the hilt
Is inclined to take the gilt
Off the gingerbread,
And certainly damps the fun
Of the eldest son.
But still we won't be beaten,
We'll scrimp and screw and save,
The playing fields of Eton
Have made us frightfully brave-
And though if the Van Dycks have to go
And we pawn the Bechstein Grand,
We'll stand
By the Stately Homes of England.

Here you see
The pick of us.
You may be heartily sick of us,
Still with sense
We're all imbued.
Our homes command extensive views,
And with assistance from the Jews
We have been able to dispose of
Rows and rows and rows of;
Gainsboroughs and Lawrences,
Some sporting prints of Aunt Florence's,
Some of which were rather rude.
Although we sometimes flaunt our family conventions,
Our good intentions
Mustn't be misconstrued.

Chorus

The Stately Homes of England
We proudly represent,
We only keep them up for
Americans to rent.
Though the pipes that supply the bathroom burst
And the lavatory makes you fear the worst,
It was used by Charles the First
Quite informally,
And later by George the Fourth
On a journey north.
The State Apartments keep their
Historical renown,
It's wiser not to sleep there
In case they tumble down'.
But still if they ever catch on fire
Which, with any luck, they might
We'll fight
For the Stately Homes of England

The Stately Homes of England,
Though rather in the lurch,
Provide a lot of chances
For Psychical Research.
There's the ghost of a crazy younger son
Who murdered, in thirteen fifty-one,
An extremely rowdy nun
Who resented it,
And people who come to call
Meet her in the hall.
The baby in the guest wing,
Who crouches by the grate,
Was walled up in the west wing
In fourteen twenty-eight.
If anyone spots
The Queen of Scots
In a hand-embroidered shroud
We're proud
Of the Stately Homes of England.

Anti Valentine's Day

It's that time of year again. Here are some amusing, slightly less than romantic rhymes and thoughts for you:-


What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme,
But this one doesn't.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty.
What happened to you?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Garbage is dumped,
And so are you.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Someone like you,
Belongs in a zoo.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I love chocolate more than you.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


Loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
Describes everything that you are not.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I love your smile, your face, your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Funny Mistakes in Cover Letters

If there's one place you shouldn't make a mistake, it's when you're applying for a job!

Luckily not everyone agrees with this, and so we have these little gems to enjoy:-

"I have a graduate degree in unclear physics."

"My hobbies include raising long-eared rabbis as pets."

"My last job was as a plumbing and hating specialists."

"I worked for 6 years as an uninformed security guard."

"The academic scholarship I earned came with a plague."

"Most of my experience to this point has been as a blue-color worker."

"As part of the city maintenance crew, I repaired bad roads and defective brides."

"My career goal is to shave my talents with a growing company."

Stress Relief

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological tests.

The funny thing is that it works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

See. You're smiling already.