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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Fun with shadows

I wish I'd had teachers like this when I was growing up.

The Sea Through a Child's Eyes

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they have been better off eating beans.(William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Julie age 7)

Thanks to Auston

Dealing with near death experiences by star sign

Each star sign has a different way of dealing with a near death experience:-

TAURUS: Leaving the body, Taurus realizes that he or she no longer has a stomach and immediately returns to the body (thud!), without seeing tunnels, light, God, etc., making Taurus sceptical for the rest of his or her life.

GEMINI: The key to the zodiacal twins isn't the near death experience itself, but how they can embellish it when telling the story (or writing about it) afterwards. Since Geminis are comfortable in all worlds, except those without telephones, they usually bounce back to the body fairly rapidly-- and the mouth tends to work before the rest of the body comes back to life.

CANCER: Cancerians can live to be 125 years old, and they don't usually have near death experiences, but they can come awfully close to having a near life experience when they get brave and venture out of their house for "supplies."

LEO: "Nooooooo, I am NOT dead. I am not, I am not, I am not . . . Who are those guys in the white robes? What's that they're singing . . . ? They're off key. I can sing better than that! Where's the choir director? I need a microphone immediately. Unless it's Rolling Stone or Spin, hold my calls..."

VIRGO: Working a marathon 60 hours straight, Virgo collapses and leaves the body. She moves through that delightfully clean and sparkling tunnel of light, occasionally reflecting upon possible improvements, but soon becomes so worried by the thought of her loved ones "managing" without her that she snaps back into the body like white lightning, sits up, and calmly pronounces herself alive, glancing at her watch.

LIBRA: Floating out of the body, then in, then out, then in, and finally out again Libra sees a tunnel and a vibrant being of light at the other end. "Wow, is that Jesus ? Wait a minute, maybe it's Kwan Yin. That looks like something she'd wear." Never deciding whether to go through the tunnel (after all, what's death without someone to share it with?) Libra ends up back in the body by default, hounded by a mysterious compulsion to start a dating service for discarnate souls.

SCORPIO: Since most Scorpio's have nine lives, they tend to brainstorm different ways to trigger a near death experience. Once nearly dead, most can barely get to the end of the tunnel without meeting some being with whom they have astral sex. When asked whom they prefer to greet them on the other side, 75% name a favourite vampire, and Medusa is a strong contender.

SAGITTARIUS: Sag floats out of her body and has to laugh at the stupid way she bought the farm. After somehow BREAKING the tunnel of light, she absolutely refuses to return to her body, since she's been trying to get out of it for all these years (via clumsy accidents). Because Sag is immensely curious about whether the so-called organized religions have any validity at all, this stroke of luck leads to some amaaaaaazing lessons, until, alas, the astral folks tire of her and trick her into returning to Earth for the duration.

CAPRICORN: It might take Capricorn a little while to realize he is dead because there are special rooms set up to look like executive offices for newly-dead goats. A sharp-looking, older gentleman-ghost comes in and gives Cap an instruction manual titled HOW TO PROFIT IN THE ASTRAL MARKETPLACE, plus a "job evaluation" type assessment of Cap's achievements and mistakes over their lifetime, followed by a pink slip (meaning the body has been revived). Caps tend to return to their bodies quickly, unable to tolerate non-physical existence for long.

AQUARIUS: Aquarius gets to the pearly gates, sees that heaven isn't run by consensus, and opts for hell, where at least there is an appealing anarchy and rules are made to be broken. Ironically, Aquarian near-death experiences tend to be extremely traditional, i.e., God the Father, St. Peter, the celestial choir and so on (another reason to rebel and opt for hell). Once in the underworld, they bedevil the hell out of Satan and his cronies with their loud and vigorous campaigns for progressive reforms, and are quickly expelled back to the body.

PISCES: For some reason, our Piscean friends barely notice their near death experiences. Instead, during a typical day at the office, many Pisceans report seeing beings with long-suffering expressions on their faces and who patiently tell the Piscean to go back to his or her body.

ARIES: "Who's in charge here? I'd like to see God right now, please. Am I dead? Gee, I never thought that could happen to me! Where can I get a crystal palace backlit with white light like that one?"

How not to do a Powerpoint Presentation

This is funny, and informative. I think Powerpoint is responsible for a lot of wasted time when preparing presentations. You might recognise one of your own presentations here, but hopefully not.

Marketing Explained

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I am great in bed.  How about it?"

  • That's Direct Marketing

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a buck. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed.  How about it?"
  • That's Advertising

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow get her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed.  How about it?"
  • That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, remember how great in bed I am?  How about it?"
  • That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed.  How about it?"
  • That's Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed.  How about it?"
  • Now THAT is the power of branding.

Happy Easter - Cadbury Creme Eggs

Here's the Chemistry of a Cadbury's Creme Egg. If you've ever eaten one, you might want to skip this:-

Cricket

The first testicular guard "box" was use in cricket in 1874.

The first helmet was used in 1974.

It took over 100 years for men to realise that the brain is also important.