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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

The End of the World - Fundamentalist Advisory

So, how will the world end, and what should we tell our children?  (Remember, these are just what put the F in Fun with English).

The state of things to come

This is a bit of a nightmarish scenario. The problem is our kids might not mind...





Psych Definitions

Here's a bit of fun with words:-

The difference between a neurotic, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist. The neurotic builds castles in the sky, the psychotic lives in them and the psychiatrist collects the rent. [i]Anonymous[/i]

Glasses

Seemingly wearing glasses can improve your image. Well according to Oogmerk Opticians campaign it can:-

Gerbils



Prayers for star signs (Fundamentalist Advisory)

Fundamentalist Advisory - The following is not suitable for any fundamentalist.

ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW !"

TAURUS: "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."

GEMINI: "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"

CANCER: "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners."

LEO: "Hi, Dad! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!"

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't screw it up like you did the last time."

LIBRA: "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don't deserve it."

SAGITTARIUS: "OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL -LOVING, ALL -POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A MILLION TIMES --- HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!"

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway."

AQUARIUS: "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honour and Glory."

Two-minute Management Course

Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "SureWhy not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it

  • Management Lesson 1 - To be sitting around doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull in a field. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at one of the cow-pats, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
  • Management Lesson 2 - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
  • Management Lesson  3 - (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
    (2) Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend.
    (3) When you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Thus ends your two-minute management course.

And Then the Fight Started

My wife sat next to me as I was flipping channels.

'What's on TV?,' she asked.

'Dust,' I replied.

And then the fight started.