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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Mind your language

Part 1 of Season 1



Whenever life gets you down ...

Listen to this song:-



Whenever life gets you down Mrs Brown,
And things seem hard or tough.
And people are stupid, obnoxious, or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day.
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.

We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz.
As fast as it can go, the speed of light; you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

The British

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Brits are injured each year whilst using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from a new shirt.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits died from 1997 to 1999 believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

In 2000 18 Brits suffered serious burns trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E between 1998 and 1999 after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured in 1999 in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

British hospitals reported 4 broken arms in 1999 after Christmas cracker-pulling accidents.

And finally........

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up in the toilet.

Only in Britain ,,,

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain ... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain will you find disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain do we complain constantly that the government does not invest in health, rail, education etc., and then vote for the party that promises tax cuts.


You know you're getting old when ...

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You sing along to elevator music.

You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

You have a party and the neighbours don't call the police.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You enjoy discussing other people's operations.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear socks with sandals.

You know what the words equity and escrow mean.

Your have more hairs in your ears than on your head.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

Police Advice

This is actually not a joke, it's true. Norfolk Constabulary have written a guide about gang membership. It goes like this (with a few of my own comments thrown in for good measure):-

A gang is a group of people who may be involved in crime and violence (or not). Many young people will not realise they are in a gang, they will just think they are in a group of friends. (OMG - you're a gang!) It's important to remember that being in a gang is not illegal, only the criminal offences committed are illegal.

Advice for parents

Even with good parental support and despite our best efforts, our young can be easily attracted into dangerous friendship groups. While it is important to recognise the negative elements of becoming involved in a gang, we must also see why our youngsters are attracted into joining them in order to try and understand and ultimately deter them from becoming involved.

Be on the look-out for warning signs that suggest your child may be involved in a gang:

Visual signs

* Gang symbols: on schoolbooks, pencil cases, bags, bedroom posters and personal possessions. (Whatever you do don't let them scribble!)
* Clothing: young people wearing certain colours relating to specific gangs. (Especially school uniforms.)
* Hand signals: sometimes hand signals are given by individuals to show which gang they are aligned. (Sometimes hand signals are given by individuals to show you what they think of you.)
* Post codes: young people often align themselves to post codes. (Like the Sloanes?)

Behaviour

* A rise in truancy. (So a little bit of truancy is OK then.)
* Sudden changes in your child’s selection of friends.
* An increased number of social groups with unusual ‘gang’ names your child is hanging around with. (Like the Scouts, Girl Guides or the Brownies?)
* Your child may experience bullying and pressure to join a gang.
* They may be vague or secretive about their activities. (That's normal!)
* Possessing relatively large sums of money or bringing expensive items home.
* Getting in trouble with the police.

IT

* Be aware of the websites your child is viewing. Social networking sites can give access to images and words glorifying gang culture. (Like the Gangshow that used to be shown on British TV every year?)
* Chat rooms and texts can be used to bully young people to join gangs. (Virtual gangs? Whatever next?)

Music

* Rap music associated with gangs can be threatening and violent. (So can Carmina Burana.)
* Know what your children are listening to. (Spy on your children and never give them a moments rest and you will be certain to drive them into the welcoming arms of local gangs.)