The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
The effect of beer on your English proficiency:-
One pint: no change in your English .
Two pints: your English goes up a level.
Three pints: your English goes up a level, but your grammar disappears.
Four pints: you become very fluent, but start mixing English up with your own language.
Five pints: you discover that you can sing in English and are brilliant at karaoke.
Six pints: you suddenly know lots of taboo words in English (fortunately, no one else seems to understand them)
Seven pints: you can`t speak English at all, and you also forget your own language.
More than seven pints: you`ve reached the danger zone - you start speaking American English.
From "The How to Be British Collection" by Peter Legon and Martyn Ford
Less than flattering things to say to your loved one:-
Your teeth are like stars: They come out at night.
You have a soft heart: And head to match.
Your eyes are like the sea: They make me sick.
Her hair has waves like the sea: The dead sea.
Your ears are like flowers: Cauliflowers.
You have a heart of gold: And teeth to match.
When I look into your eyes: I see the back of your head.
Brains aren't everything: In your case they're nothing!
You have a mind like a steel trap: Always closed!
He has a nose like a bloodhound: Constantly dripping.
Your eyes are like pools: Cess pools.
Your eyes are like pools: The football pools.
Your skin is so soft: Like mold on an orange.
You have a twinkle in your eyes: The sun shining between your ears.
Your lips are like petals: Bicycle pedals.
Geordie is the name of the English-language dialect spoken by the inhabitants of Tyneside, in the north east of England. The catchment area for the term "Geordie" can be as large as the whole of north east England, or as small as the city of Newcastle upon Tyne.
In most aspects Geordie speech is a direct continuation and development of the language spoken by the Anglo-Saxon settlers of this region. Initially mercenaries employed by the ancient Brythons to fight the Pictish invaders after the end of Roman rule in Britannia in the 5th century, the Angles, Saxons and Jutes who thus arrived became, over time, ascendant politically and - through population transfer from tribal homelands in northern Europe - culturally over the native British. The Anglo-Saxon kingdoms that emerged during the Dark Ages spoke largely mutually-intelligible varieties of what we now call Old English, each varying somewhat in phonology, morphology, syntax and lexicon. This Anglo-Saxon influence on Geordie can be seen today, to the extent that poems by the Anglo-Saxon scholar the Venerable Bede translates more successfully into Geordie than into modern day English. Thus, in northern England, dominated by the kingdom of Northumbria, was found a distinct "Northumbrian" Old English dialect.
In recent times "Geordie" has been used to refer to a supporter of Newcastle United football club, and the Newcastle Brown Ale schooner glassware used to serve beer in the United States.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
- The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- The most rotund knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- When the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
- Police were called to the nursery, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
Litigious has two meanings:-
1. Concerned with lawsuits or litigation.
2. Unreasonably prone to go to law to settle disputes.
Read these and decide which definition applies:-
Life Is Full Of Disappointments
In 1991, a man attempted to claim $10,000 for emotional distress caused by a beer company's misleading advertisement. He claimed to have suffered mental injury and emotional distress as drinking the beer did not make his fantasies of bikini clad women in tropical settings come to life, as the advertisement suggested. In addition to the two claims of false advertising, he also claimed for financial loss in excess of $10,000 due to misleading Bud Light ads which drove him to buy more and more beer. Case dismissed.
Not Just In America
In Spain a man struck and killed a 17-year-old boy who was riding his bike. Even though the man was driving at 70 mph in a 55 mph zone, a judge dismissed criminal charges against him. Did he consider himself lucky under the circumstances? No. Two years after the wreck, he sued the boy’s family for damages to his Audi A8.
The worst part about this story is not that the man clogged up the legal system with a suit against a dry cleaner for $67 million over a pair of lost trousers; it’s that he was a Washington, D.C., judge at the time. He argued that dry cleaners failed to deliver on the “same-day service” and “satisfaction guaranteed” advertisement. He was later dismissed from his job for having poor judgement.
Going For A Thong
A woman claimed that she was injured by a defective thong. “I was putting on my underwear and the metal popped into my eye,” she told the Today show. According to her attorney, a rogue metal appliqué caused three cuts to her cornea, requiring the use of topical steroids to heal it.
Crying Over Spilt Coffee
After scalding herself by spilling a cup of McDonalds coffee on her lap a woman asked McDonalds to pay for the medical bills. When McDonalds only offered $800 she sued them for selling “unreasonably dangerous” coffee. The jury awarded her an outstanding $2.9 million in damages! McDonald’s argued the claim and the trial judge reduced the total award to $640,000. McDonalds reduced the temperature of their coffee to 60-70 degrees in order to avoid future law suits.
I'll Sue Me!
A man sued himself in 1995 for violating his own civil liberties and religious beliefs by getting drunk enough to commit the crimes that landed him in jail. The jailbird hoped the state would be forced to pay on his behalf because he was a ward of the state. Case Dismissed.
In 1998, a woman claimed $15,000 in damages for physical injury, extreme fear, emotional distress and mental anguish after going on a theme park’s annual Halloween haunted house attraction. She claimed that the attraction was too scary causing her emotional distress. She also alleged that an employee chased her and her granddaughter towards an exit. This caused them to slip on the floor. She claimed that the employee continued to scare them as they lay helpless on the floor.
A man claimed that he was so overcome by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshiping at a church. He is now attempting to claim $2,500,000 from the church to pay for medical bills, loss of income, pain and suffering. The 58 year-old, reportedly fell during worship whilst having a physical reaction to the spirit of God. He has since undergone two operations since the fall and blames the church for not providing someone to catch him in case the spirit of God were to take over his body. The church’s insurance company deny the claim stating that he should have noticed that no one was behind him to catch him.
It's Always Someone Else's Fault
In May 2008, an international student at Birmingham University sued them for £10,000,000 for failing his PhD. The student issued a claim against the university which he says was in breach of its duty of care towards him. The mechanical engineering student claimed he was “humiliated and scorned” by tutors at the University. He also claimed that the examiner in one of his oral tests was not an expert in the field and his two supervisors were biased against him. He is now seeking compensation for loss of his PhD and the stress caused as a result of unfair treatment. The claim also demands payment for the financial debt and interest accrued whilst he was at uni. The university issued a statement saying that his supervisors were concerned that he had not grasped the project and the nature of doctoral level research as being fundamentally different from a taught course’. The case continues.