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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Have fun with music

Even if you can't sing, you can still do a bit of karaoke:-



Guy Stuff

Have you ever sent someone a text or email, when you're in the same room as them?



Another IQ Test

1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken?

3) If I go to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wind up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep will I get before the alarm wakes me up?

4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?

5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?





Thanks to Alek





Scroll down for the answers:-













































































































































































































1. 12 - All months have at least 28 days.


2. One hour. The first pill straight away - 30 minutes later a second pill - an hour later the third pill..


3. One hour. Wind up clocks don't have a 24 hour setting.


4. 70


5. 9






























Ordering in a German Restaurant





Thanks to Herr Dr zu Guttenberg (in Second Life that is)


Naughty Doggy

This anti-litter campaign must have really annoyed Australians in the 80s:-

Foot in Mouth Disease

I once got into real trouble when trying to explain what "Foot in Mouth Disease" means. They thought I meant they were stupid - which I didn't, and got really aggressive (they were drunk at the time). I hope they now know how silly they were.

Basically it can be used to describe someone who often says the wrong thing, it's a play on "Foot and Mouth Disease". There's even a "Foot in Mouth Award", which is awarded each year by the British Plain English Campaign for "a baffling comment by a public figure".

Here's a nice little example:-



Ordering Pizza - A glimpse into the future


Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizzas R Us."

Customer: "Hello.  I'd like to order a pizza please."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose Smart Card number, sir?"

Customer: "It's er..., hold on .... 6102049998-45- 54610"

Operator: "OK ... If I could just confirm your details.  You are Mr Smith and you're calling from
Nottingham. Your home number is 4123456, your office 76543210
and your mobile is 077 1234567. "

Customer: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator: "We are connected to the Main CRM system Sir"

Customer: "I see, well I would like to order a double cheese, hot pepperoni, crusty pizza."

Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "Why?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and an even higher cholesterol level."

Customer: "What?   What do you recommend then?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat No Cheese, Thai Prawn, Thin and Crusty Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know I will like it?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Thai Dishes" from the library last week."

Customer: "OK, I give up.  Give me three family sized ones then. How much will that cost?"

Operator: "That should be enough for a family of 10, sir and there are only three in your household.  I'll send you one family sized pizza at a cost of £8.00."

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you will have to pay cash. Your credit card is over the limit and your overdraft is maxed out too.  You also seem to be behind on your mortgage payments."

Customer: "I suppose I could run to the hole in the wall and take out some cash before your guy arrives."

Operator: "You won't be able to do that sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily withdrawal limit today."

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.  How long is it going to take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. "

Customer: " What? !"

Operator: "According to the details in the system, you own a moped, registration number N32G43."

Customer: "*'!^ *#?@%^**%^!"

Operator: "Please mind your language, sir. Remember on 9th July last 1982 you were convicted of using abusive language."

Customer: [Silence]

Operator: "Will there be anything else sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing.  By the way, I would like to get the 3 free bottles of cola as advertised."

Operator: "Normally we would do that sir, but based on your records you're also a diabetic.  We'll send you 3 bottles of carbonated water instead. "

Customer :?......?... ..?...*.. *.....??. .* . **.......... ?**.
*???.

Keep smiling....

If Pens Got Hot

From the BBC program "How TV ruined your life,"  this is a great definition for the word scaremongering:-



House Rules

So how many house rules do you have?



You could write your own list on the forum.


Perfect tosser

Today is Shrove Tuesday, or Pancake Day in the UK.  It's traditional to eat and make pancakes, oh and some brave souls try to toss them.



!Note - This is a bit rude, because of the way they use the words relating to toss.  Toss used to be an innocent little word, meaning  to throw something carelessly, but it's got another meaning, which you will have to check in a slang dictionary.  Suffice to say, it's rude.

You can read more about Pancake Day in the UK here.

Phd Dissertation

A bunny rabbit is sitting in a clearing in the woods, typing away on his laptop computer. A fox comes along, and asks the bunny rabbit what he is doing. The rabbit replies, "I'm writing my PhD dissertation."

"What are you writing about?" asks the fox. "The title of the thesis is: 'Predation by Bunny Rabbits on Foxes and Wolves'," said the rabbit.

"Predation by rabbits on foxes and wolves?" exclaimed the fox, "But rabbits don't prey on foxes and wolves--that's counterintuitive!"

"Well" said the rabbit "perhaps you would like to come down into my burrow, and see my data!" The fox follows the rabbit down the rabbit hole, and a few minutes later the rabbit emerges brushing fox fur from his arm and picking bits of fox out of his teeth. He returns to his typing.

A few minutes later, a wolf comes by, and asks the rabbit what he is doing. "I'm writing my PhD dissertation; it's titled: 'Predation by Bunny Rabbits on Foxes and Wolves'," said the rabbit.

"Predation by rabbits on foxes and wolves?" exclaimed the wolf, "But rabbits don't prey on foxes and wolves--that's counterintuitive!"

"Well," said the rabbit, "Perhaps you would like to come down into my burrow, and see my data!" The wolf follows the rabbit down the rabbit hole, and a few minutes later the rabbit emerges brushing wolf fur from his arm and picking bits of wolf out of his teeth. He returns to his typing.

A few minutes later, a grizzly bear emerges from the rabbit hole, turns to the bunny rabbit, and says, "The second chapter looks fine. I'll read the third chapter next week."

And so, the moral of the story is that it does not matter if your research is counterintuitive, as long as you have the right supervisor.



Indeed

Indeed is a useful little word, it's an adverb, and it can be used in different ways:-

  • ... to emphasize something:-

The Internet is a strange place indeed.

  • to express that something is correct:-

"Is this your blog, Lynne?" "It is indeed."

  • to add some extra information which develops or supports something you have just said
I am happy, indeed proud, to be associated with Fun with English.

Here you can watch Stargate SG-1's Teal'c say 'Indeed!' 177 times in 4 minutes:-

First day of class - A guide for teachers

This was sent to me by an online student. I have rewritten it a bit:-

Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

After confirming everyone's names on the attendance sheet, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream, "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

Deliver your lesson through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The teacher can't hear you, you'll have to ask me Glovey Wovey".

If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lesson, Mr. Smartypants?"

Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times whilst muttering "tsk, tsk".

Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

Start the lesson by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "Sex Machine."

Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam.

Turn off the lights and play a tape of crickets chirping.

Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.

Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.

Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran, and they will have to hard code all their essays. Deliver a lesson on output format statements.

Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll it be, Boogers cGee?"

Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.

Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lesson to oral hygiene.

Announce that the entire Concise English Dictionary will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for the next class.