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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

A piece of advice



Transcript

If you want my advice, never waste your pocket money on radio controlled legs.

Top Ten Jokes

Digital TV channel Dave, put a selection of their favourite jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival to a public vote. The top ten jokes of 2011 were:-

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." (Think about it!)

2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." (Groan)

3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." (My personal favourite.)

6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." (Groan - you need to know a bit about British music to get this one and the phrase "Prevention is better than a cure", which is something we say that means it is better to stop something bad happening than it is to deal with it after it has happened.)

8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." (You need to know a bit about the recent phone hacking scandal in the UK - Google "News of the World phone hacking".)

10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." (Sick!)

The worst joke was from Paul Daniels who won a wooden spoon for:-

He won the dubious honour for his gag: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'." (I actually like that one.)

The Scots

Michael McIntyre on the Scots. You'll need to know what a Scotch egg, Scotch tape, hopscotch, The Scotsman, The Flying Scotsman, butterscotch, Scottish Widow, Scotland Yard and Scot free mean to get this.

The History of English - Which English?

A system of spelling that even Dan Brown couldn't decipher. Yup - that's English!



The End.

Thanks to the Open University for making this available for embedding.

And Then the Fight Started

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law an unusual gift for Christmas, it was a cemetery plot.

The next year, I didn't buy her anything.  When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And then the fight started.

Witch!

When someone accuses you of something, they usually have their own agenda.

Dalia, the Llamanana

Dalia, the Llamanana by RєRє
Dalia, the Llamanana, a photo by RєRє on Flickr.

See if you can guess what this Llamanana is made of. Then click on the picture to see if you were right. :)

And Then the Fight Started

I crashed into the back of a car this morning. The driver got out of the other car, and he was really short!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

And then the fight started.

And Then the Fight Started


My wife was looking in the bedroom mirror and saw her own reflection. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's near perfect.'

And then the fight started.

American vs British English

A light-hearted look at American vs British English. (Ignore the title, which is simply trolling for a reaction).

And Then the Fight Started


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. 'I'll have the steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'No,' I replied, 'she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started.