The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...
If you open it, close it.
If you turn it on, turn it off.
If you unlock it, lock it up.
If you break it, admit it.
If you can’t fix it, call in someone who can.
If you borrow it, return it.
If you value it, take care of it.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
If you move it, put it back.
If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission.
If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone.
If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
If it will brighten someone’s day, say it.
If it will tarnish someone’s reputation, keep it to yourself.
_ Author Unknown
Shared with me by a friend on Facebook.
When she was cornered, she always looked for a new angle, but in her own way of circular thinking she could never measure up.
She treated everyone equilaterally, until someone called her a square. Although this may have been an acute observation, it was not right. The Pythagorean who made this accusation did not realize that it was actually an obtuse theorem.
The teacher was put on a plane, sent away and committed for her polygonous belief. Many thought that being institutionalized would scalene down her parallelanoia, however, it must have been geometrically impossible to solve that equation.
To sum up … there is good news and bad news. The good news is that she was cured of believing she was a triangle. The bad news: in a special, isoscelestic, 180° turn, she now thinks she is trapped inside a triangle.
Does that mean that she is trapezoid?
A Bit of Fry and Laurie
A policeman (Stephen Fry) and Derek (Hugh Laurie) are at the police station.
P: All right. Could I just have your name, please, sir?
Thanks to Alien and Hekner
Be warned, there is a lot of very, very rude content, and probably not all of them are true, but some of them are really funny, and you can submit your own autocorrect mishaps too.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a big bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he got closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He coughed to make the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' Now that is the definition of quick thinking.
Del: All right? All right Grandad, we're ready! You can start undoing it now!
Grandad places the spanner on the nut and begins easing it round.
Grandad: It's coming Del Boy! One more turn Del!
THE MAIN HALL
Del: Right. Now brace yourself Rodney, brace yourself.
Grandad gives one last bang with the hammer and the nut comes free.
In the hall the second chandelier crashes to the floor with an almighty 17th-century crystal sounding crunch.
Del and Rodney stare at each other for a few seconds before turning to survey the damage.
Del: (In shock) Grandad was undoing the other chandelier!
Rodney: How can you tell?
They descend the ladder slowly, lowering the canvas bag gently to the floor. They walk slowly towards the remains of the chandelier, broken shards of crystal crunching beneath their feet.
Grandad descends the stairs blissfully unaware.
Grandad: All right Del Boy?
Del: All right? What do you mean 'all right'? Look at it!
Grandad: Did you drop it Del?
Rodney: Drop it? How could we drop it? We wasn't even 'olding it! We wuz working on that one!
Grandad: Well I wish you'd have said something. I was working on this one! Is it very valuable Del?
Del: No, not really! It was bleedin' priceless when it was hanging up there though!
Rodney: What's his lordship gonna say when he finds out?
Del: Well, I think I can safely say that my invitation to the hunt ball has gone for a burton!
Wallace: It's broken!
Del: Look, what the hell do you know about chandeliers anyway?
Rodney: I think he's tumbled Del.
Wallace: I shall telephone his lordship at his cottage immediately!
Del: Yeah, well, tell him to phone us at home. Oh. by the way, has his lordship got our home address and telephone number?
Del: Good! Right, out of it. Go on.
The Trotters run for the door, jump in the car and drive off.
Ten Commandments: ..............................
Gettysburg address: ..............................
US Declaration of Independence : .................. .. ..1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ........... 7,818 words.
EU regulations on the sale of cabbages?: ........... 26,911 words.
Thanks to Louise