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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

The waiter from hell

Ash was a much nicer waiter:-

After the Exam

Pass
Teacher:  "I taught him / her well."
Father:  "He's a chip off the old block."
Mother: "My prayers were answered."
Friend: "Let's go for a beer."

Fail



Teacher:  "He / she never concentrated in class."
Father:  (To mother) "He's your son. / She's your daughter."
Mother:  "I knew his / her wild ways would get him / her into trouble."
Friend: "Let's go for a beer."

Moral

Everything changes, but true friendship will always stay the same.

Philosophy - The Truth, Goodness and Usefulness

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said. "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued: "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed.

This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

Thanks to Marianne

Dennis Commetti Aussie Rules Comments


Staying on a sport's theme, for those not familiar with Dennis Commetti, he is an Aussie Rules football commentator. This is why he is considered to be the best in the business

"Scotty Cummings alone in the square, jumping up and down and waving his arms like they're playing My Sharona ..."

"Farmer may have an injury to his calf ... hmmm, a farmer with a calf problem ..."

"Spider had both his legs taken out from under him – leaving only the other six to balance on ..."

"Ball to Barker to Barlow - The Hawks are attacking alphabetically"

On Melbourne 's Adam Yze: "A terrific player . . . terrible scrabble hand."

"Ling's running off the ground a little bit gingerly."

"Cousins, runs away from Carr ... not the first time we've seen that this season."

On Cameron Cloke (who was timing his ruck jumps badly), "Cloke leaves his messages before the beep."

"Hay is bailed up on the boundary line . . ."  [Hay + bale - get it?]

"Walker to Carr . . . that's a step up . . ."

"He's made a typo! - he wanted Bickley and he's got Buckley!"

"The Magpies ought to be kicking themselves right now, but with their luck, they'd probably miss."

After Darren Gaspar hits the post from 40 metres out: "Gaspar......the unfriendly post."  [Casper the friendly ghost - get it?]

"Ashley McIntosh.........like a good hair spray... capable of a subtle hold."

"Ball in dispute, Lamb, now Yze the meat in the sandwich. Really Lamb should be in the sandwich."

On former Magpie, Crow and now Cat, Brenton Sanderson: "He goes much better as a mammal."

Freo v Port Adelaide. Josh Carr wearing 9 for Port crunches his brother Matthew, wearing 9 for Freo.
"How's that, a two Carr collision, both with the same rego!"

Daniel Metropolis playing for the Eagles was gang tackled by 3 opposition players. "Now there's a city under siege"

Collingwood 40-points up against the Dogs. The camera focuses on Bulldog president David Smorgon looking despondent. "Now there's a glum dog millionaire."  [Slum dog millionaire - get it?]

Thanks to James

Best Cricket Insults - Contains swear words

Sledging is what cricketers call the mocking insults swapped between players out at the wicket.  It has long been part of the game, but you might be surprised at how ungentlemanly these bastions of sport can be.
  • Shaun Pollock to Ricky Ponting: "It's red, it's round and weighs about five ounces." Ponting hit the next ball out of the ground. He jibed, "You know what it looks like, go and find it."
  • Rod Marsh to Ian Botham:  "So how's your wife & my kids?"

    Botham replied: "The wife's fine. The kids are retarded."
  • Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's:  "Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough."

  • Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating,"Cullinan retorted.
  • Merv Hughes to Robin Smith: "Mate, you can't bat." Naturally, Smith despatched the next ball for four and responded, "Hey Merv, we'd make a fine pair. I can't bat and you can't bowl."
  • Merv Hughes to Graeme Hick: "Mate, if you just turn the bat over, you'll find the instructions on the other side."
  • Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so fat?"
    Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I make love to your wife, she throws me a biscuit."
  • Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee:Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed?
  • Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
  • Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
    "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say [eff off]."
  • James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW :  [eff me], look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
    JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."
  • Yet another Australian witticism with this time overweight Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga was the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
  • Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times.
    Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
  •  Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.