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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

A bit of Halloween fun

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a “BUMP….BUMP….BUMP…” behind him. 

He started walking faster, and looking back he could just make out what looked like an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him….”BUMP...BUMP…BUMP…” 

The man began to run toward his house, but the coffin sped up and bounced after him even faster….faster…BUMP..BUMP..BUMP. 

He ran up to his front door, fumbling with his keys in the lock he opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him, but the coffin crashed through the door, with its lid going BUMP BUMP BUMP, snapping at the heels of the terrified man. 

He rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, and started coming slowly toward him. 

Screaming the man reached for something, anything, but all he could find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin…and suddenly “the coffin stops.”

Money

I met money and said, "You are just a piece of paper."

Money smiled and replied, "Of course I am, but I haven't seen a dustbin for me yet!"

Growing old

Two old-age pensioners were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: 'Tom, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Tom said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really? Like a newborn baby?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

iPhone 5

This is a parody on the advertising for the iPhone 5.




Thanks to Javi

Relationship one liners

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
Why do couples hold hands during the ceremony? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
Having one child makes you a parent; have two and you become a referee.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
We call our native language our mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let have 2 minutes silence.

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But never forget -  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

Raising Children


To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, our grandchildren,  nieces,   nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ' DON'T   ! '
'Don 't what?' Adam asked.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit' God said.

'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve! We have forbidden fruit!'

'No Way!'

'Yes way!'

'Do NOT eat the fruit!' said God.

'Why not?'

'Because I am your father and I said so!' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?' God asked.

'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you?'  said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.

'She started it!' Adam shrieked.

'Did not!' Eve shrieked back.

'Did too!'

'DID NOT!

And so it went on.

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

So, if you have persistently and lovingly tried to give the children in your charge wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, why would it be a piece of cake for you?