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Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

The English Class

Thanks to +Edwar Cifuentes  for sharing this on Google +.

If you think you have problems with grammar, spelling, punctuation, vocabulary or emphasis / punctuation, don't worry, you're not alone. :)

Grandchildren


  1. A grandmother was in the bathroom, putting on her make-up under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!'
  2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, '62.' He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, 'Did you start at 1?'
  3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a loose sweatshirt and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, 'Who was THAT?'
  4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.' The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
  5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?' I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?'

    "You're both really old,' he replied."
  6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. 'What's it about?' he asked. 'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.'
  7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, 'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!'
  8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our holiday home, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, 'It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.'
  9. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, 'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.' The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said, 'how do you make babies?' 'It's simple,' replied the girl 'You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.'
  10. Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.' The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know what pregnant means?' she asked. 'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child.'
  11. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

    'They use him to keep crowds back,' said one child.

    'No,' said another, 'he's just for good luck.'

    A third child brought the argument to a close. 'They use the dogs,' she said firmly, 'to find the fire hydrants...' 

Casual Friends vs Real Friends #4

Casual Friends: Say "I love you" in a jokey way.
Real Friends: Say "I love you", and mean it.

Casual Friends: Are around for a while.
Real Friends:: Are for life.

Casual Friends: Save the last slice of cake for you.
Real Friends: Eat the last slice of cake and laugh in your face.

Casual Friends: Would bail you out of jail.
Real Friends: Would be sitting next to you saying, "That was awesome!"

Casual Friends: Will read these.
Real Friends: Will nick them.

A Happy Dog's Bedtime Prayer



Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove 
My human being can hardly move! 
I've trapped her legs, 
she's tucked in tight, And here is where I pass the night. 
No one disturbs or dares intrude
Till morning comes and I want food! 
I sneak up slowly and it begins
My nibbles on my human's chin.She wakes up slowly groans and shouts, "You rotten beast! Just cut it out!" 
But morning's here and it's time to play 
I always seem to get my way. 

So thank you, Lord, for giving me 
This human person that I see The one who hugs and holds me tightand shares her bed with me at night! 
Author unknown

The original is a night time prayer taught to many children.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

(Cheerful stuff.)

The Space Programme - With transcript

This makes a lot of sense.  :)

Watch the video and then scroll down for the transcript and watch it again - and again if you feel you need to.



Scroll for transcript (edited from YouTube's own automatic caption creator:-


























Following today's press conference in which NASA announced its continuing search for a planet capable of supporting NASA, researcher Doctor Kenneth Haiser sat down with Onion reporters to detail their ongoing mission to find a NASA habitable planet.

"Our objective is to find a planet capable of nurturing not just life, but also a sustained interest in the exploration of the cosmos. Now uh such a planet would need to have water and uh... proximity to light and heat, but also life forms with even the vaguest understanding of the importance of astronomical exploration. Ultimately this would need to be a planet with organisms that have a genuine interest in expanding the limits of their knowledge."

Haiser added that any planet capable of supporting NASA would need to be able to generate a steady stream of financing to meet the agency's eighteen billion dollar annual budget. Though Haiser admitted the unlikelihood of coming across such a fertile celestial environment in the near term, he revealed there have been a few promising leads.

"Well we did locate a planet approximately sixty light years away that we felt could provide an adequate level of funding for our research, but our analysis show that the air was in fact toxic, and would kill every NASA employee in well under thirty seconds. The important thing is we just need to be patient, there's a limitless number of planets in the universe and eventually we will find one with the resources to support our work.We just have to! Right?"

For more on this story check this week's Onion review.

Old Age #3

A man was telling his neighbour 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art .... It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty..'