Featured post

Interesting words and languages

The first word spoken on the moon was "okay". (Or not - see comments). Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the ca...

Texting

I wasn't sure whether this should go in Fun With English, or Interesting Facts, but it's so silly, it ended up here, even though it is true...

In Stoke-on-Trent, people who are overweight will be sent text messages to encourage them to slim down.

 These messages include the following:-

 "Why not use the stairs more?"
 "Have you thought about eating fruit and veg?"
 "Keep a check on snacks and drinks."
 "Try walking to the shops."

 It will cost the council £10,000 and is available to 500 people who sign up.

Misunderstandings

Always remember to put the glass down

A psychologist was walking around the lecture hall, while teaching stress management to an audience of eager students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers rang out ranging from 8 oz to 20 oz.

She replied, “The actual weight doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt, but if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Always remember to put the glass down.

Author unknown

It's not my fault

As a child I saw Tarzan running around in his birthday suit, Cinderella didn't get home until after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a thief, Batman drove at over 200 miles an hour, Snow White lived in a house with 7 men, Popeye was covered in tattoos, Pac Man ran around to digital music while eating pills that enhanced his performance, and Shaggy and Scooby were mystery solving hippies who always had the munchies.

No wonder I'm so messed up!

Political Models Explained With Cows

DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You vote one of them in to the government.

WELFARE STATE: You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has none. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

ANARCHY: You have 2 cows, but don't believe in fences, so they run away.

SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. Your neighbours have none. You give one to your neighbours, but your neighbours want both cows so they take over the government and become dictators.

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none.  You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies. You sell them and retire on the income, while your neighbour starves to death. 

The equation of world domination


However, before you laugh too much, we may have little pink eyed overlords before we know it:- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/17/human-language-gene-mice-study_n_5829748.html

Prank Call to Tech Support

A bit of English for the telephone, and a lesson in patience.



FYI - Prank calls are annoying...  Don't do it!

Let us PAYE

The above was a headline in the Sun on August 25, about a special service to be held for the taxman of all things.

They came up with this delightful little poem in the style of the Lord's prayer:-

Our evaders
Who art in havens
How low be thy shame.
Thy tax return come
It must be done
In the Bahamas, as it is in Devon.
Give us your pay, your daily bread
And forgive us our assessors
As we forgive those who
Self-assess against us
And lead us not into exemptions
But deliver us your eBills.
For mine is the income, the power
And the Tory (chancellor),
For ever and ever.
Amen

Things that aren't really Scottish

Things that aren't actually Scottish

Scotch Tape

Scotch Egg (According to luxury food shop Fortnum & Mason, they invented the Scotch egg in the 18th century, at their Piccaddily headquarters.)

Butterscotch

Hopscotch

Scotchguard

Whisky (If you ask anyone from Ireland.  Try it, it's fun.)


Scotland - The word is derived from the Greek Scotos, the term applied to Gaels, and is first found in Latin texts from the 4th century; describing a tribe which sailed from Ireland to raid Roman Britain.

Fun with English and Italian

This reminds me of my first German lessons at night school in the UK.


The Judge

Peter Cook knew how to really have fun with English, and how to poke fun at the establishment:-

If Friends Had Been Set in Britain

I would have simply shared this, but it was a bit rude, so I've edited it.  Visit the link at the end of the original (NSFW). 

1. The one where everything got stolen because they never locked their doors.
2. The one where they had to move because no one in their mid 20s can afford a place like that in London.
3. The one where Joey got a job in Nando’s.
4. The one where Chandler was the least sarcastic one.
5. The one with the three day hangover.
6. The one where Phoebe put on a club night in Dalston.
7. The one where they all stayed in and watched Bake Off.
8. The one where they all realised they never liked each other but it was too late to do anything about it.
9. The one where they went on holiday and were drunk by the time they got on the plane.
10. The one in Blackpool: Part I.
11. The one in Blackpool: Part II.
12. The one after Blackpool where Joey visited the GUM clinic.
13. The one where healthcare is free so Monica and Rachel didn’t have to swap identities.
14. The one where they had to stay in all weekend because of Tube maintenance work.
15. The one where secret cinema got cancelled.
16. The one where everyone was in the pub and Ross got called into work, totally messing up the rounds.
17. The one where Phoebe rode a Boris Bike.
18. The one with the rail replacement bus.
19. The other one with the three day hangover.
20. The one where no one could eat at Monica’s restaurant because it was one of the East London hipster restaurants where you couldn't book a table.
21. The one with the tube strike.
22. The one where Joey and Chandler left Ben on the Northern Line and social services were called immediately.
23. The one where Joey found Rachel on Tinder.
24. The one where Ross and Rachel were arrested for indecent exposure after having sex in the Natural History Museum.
25. The one where they didn't swap apartments because that would have been too much effort.
26. The one with all the drizzle.
27. The one where they all got fired because they were always in a coffee shop when they were meant to be at work.
28. The one where Joey didn't encounter Fergie just walking around London because that just wouldn’t happen.
29. The one where Rachel actually knew what a trifle is.
30. The one where they didin't all live two minutes away from each other because that’s not a thing.
31. The one where Monica didn't make treats for her neighbours because interacting with your neighbours is not the British way.
32. The one where Chandler moved to the other side of the country for work (but it was only 2 hours drive away so he didn’t have to move house).
33. The one with the emotional repression.
34. The one where they all had to move back to their hometowns because they couldn't afford the living costs any more.
35. The one where they all went to the pub because who on earth hangs out in a cafe all day.
36. The one where someone ordered high tea.
37. The one where Joey put the milk in first.
38. The one where they never actually saw each other because they livee in different parts of London and no-one can be bothered to travel all that way.
39. The one where they made plans to meet up, but everyone cancelled at the last minute.
40. The one with the optimistic but inevitably doomed April barbecue.
41. The one where Joey became a Police Community Support Officer.
42. The one with five Blue WKDs for ten pounds.
43. The one with the giant poking device and the subsequent restraining order and the resultant Daily Mail article about “ugly-shaming”.
44. The one where Joey’s catchphrase was, “How do you do?”
45. The one where Rachel stopped hanging out with the gang because she could get a free coffee with her Waitrose card.
46. The one where Ross fell in love with the woman who said “unexpected item in the bagging area”.
47. The one where Monica started a long-term relationship with a mustachioed older man (Guest star: Des Lynam).
48. The one where Ross was imprisoned under the Dangerous Wild Animals Act of 1976 for keeping that stupid monkey.
49. The one where self-employed Phoebe and Joey took six hours to get through to an advisor on the HMRC helpline before the January 31 self-assessment tax deadline.
50. The one where Chandler and Monica drunkenly hooked-up but never talked to each other again thanks to unprecedented awkwardness.
51. The one where Joey got his own show on London Live.
52. The one where Chandler threw up in the street.
53. The one where Ross fell asleep on the last train and ended up in Morden.
54. The one where it was actually really hot in August and everyone moaned about not having air conditioning
55. The one where everyone went days without seeing Monica — not for sinister reasons, though, she was just really busy.
56. The one where Chandler called Joey a cockscomb.
57. The one where Phoebe controversially exclaimed that she is “neither here nor there” when it comes to Marmite.
58. The one where they tried to recapture their youth: Kavos, Part I
59. The one where everything was fine.
60. The one where Rachel got her hair cut, but was too polite to tell the hairdresser she didn’t like it.
61. The one where Ross turned up at the airport in time to stop Rachel because he got the Heathrow express and it only took 15 minutes.

Source

Fun? I'm not sure, but it is funny.

The Times Higher Education exam howlers competition has come up with some great results.

The winner was the entry provided by John Milliken, lecturer in education at the University of Ulster. His student claimed that ‘the [hole in the] ozone layer was caused by a*******s. Dr Milliken said: ‘He probably meant aerosols, but then…maybe not.’ - I think he makes a good point.

Mr Milliken's second student blooper was a student’s declaration in a paper on vehicle emissions that ‘in future all cars (will) be fitted with Catholic converters’.  - The pope will be pleased.

Verity Brack, information technology programme director at the University of Sheffield, entered the statement that Google was ‘one of the two main suppositories of data in the world’. - Sounds painful.

Josephine Kelly, a lecturer in business and government at Aston University, was intrigued to read that the Coalition government had a ‘toff stance on tax avoidance’. She noted that the student actually meant ‘tuff’ (tough). - Definitely!

In a paper marked by Andrew Rudd, lecturer in English literature at the University of Exeter a rather new take on London’s thriving social scene in the 18th century came out in a paper on the creation of the Spectator publication in 1711. “Within these coffeehouses, men from all different parts of the world could interfere with each other”, wrote his student.  - Could be true.

Alix Green, lecturer in history at the University of Hertfordshire, was baffled to hear that “Hitler’s role in the Second World War is often overlooked”.  - Er by whom?
Source: Times Higher Education

More English Howlers

Most Overused Words of 2013

It has just come to my attention that Time magazine carried out a poll of the most overused words of 2013.  Here's the list:-

  1. Twerk (It's not the word that's over the top)
  2. Selfie (This was also named word of the year by the Oxford English Dictionary!)
  3. Passion / Passionate (Especially in job interviews.)
  4. Look (The misuse thereof.)
  5. Robust (Political speak.)
  6. So (So is so overated.)
  7. Delivery (In management speak.  Bullshit bingo anyone?)
  8. Project (Not everything is a project.)
  9. Hashtag (#)
  10. Amazeballs (I've never heard of it.)
  11. Doing (I don't do that.)
  12. Absolutely (Absolutely!)
  13. Fail (Hashtag fail #Fail is a double whammy.)
  14. Responsible (Especially in CVs.)
  15. Anyway (Guilty as charged. Anyway, let's get back to the list.)
  16. Yeah-No (Usually used by people who are jealous of the German word "Jein".)
  17. Legacy (Especially when used to defend spending millions of taxpayer's money.)
  18. Hipster (It's just not hip.)
  19. Geek (Previously voted the word of the year by the Collins online dictionary.)
  20. Iconic (If it's really iconic, you'll know it.)

Walking to Lidl - (Mildly offensive language)

Do you shop at Lidl?

Don't listen to this, if you are easily offended.

Australian Slang

Australian slang is also known as "strine".  Seemingly it is on the decline, so in the interest of keeping it alive, here are some of the more popular slang words and phrases.
  • Arvo - afternoon
  • Bikkies = biscuits
  • Doovalacky - thingummyjig, whatsit
  • Dunny - toilet
  • Postie - postman
  • Sangers - sandwiches
  • Snag - sausage
  • Sunnies - sunglasses
  • Don't come the raw prawn with me - don't try and put one over on me
  • Go off like a bucket of prawns in the sun - cause a commotion
  • His blood's worth bottling - he's an excellent, helpful person
  • It cost big bikkies - it was expensive (bikkies = biscuits)
  • Let's have a Captain Cook - let's have a look
  • Dry as a pommie's bathmat - thirsty
  • Flat out like a lizard drinking - flat out, busy
  • Mad as a cut snake - very angry
  • Rapt as a dunny roll - very happy
  • Budgie smugglers - tight-fitting skimpy swimming trunks

Have fun Tweeting

When Nick Clegg asked for voters to pose questions via Twitter, I'm not sure he had this in mind:-


Football Fun Anyone? (Parental Advisory)

How would today's professional footballers do against the amateurs of yesteryear?

f0

Why did the Computer Cross the Road?



Assembler: First, it builds the road ......

C: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++: Wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.

COBOL: 0001-COMPUTER-CROSSING.Why did the Computer Cross the Road?
   IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
        THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
        VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
        ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
    ELSE
    GO TO 0001-COMPUTER-CROSSING

Cray: Crosses faster than any other computer, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.

Delphi: The computer is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Gopher: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web browser.

Intel Pentium: The computer crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega: The computer should have ' backed up' before crossing.

Java: If your road needs to be crossed by a computer, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are tablets.)  See also WMI Monitor.

Linux: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac: No reasonable computer owner would want a computer to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

OOP: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

OS/2: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Microsoft: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more it's just bought the road.

NT: Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.

Quantum Logic: The computer is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

VB: USHighways! (aComputer)

XP Computer Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

Longhorn had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.

Windows 7 - Gave up half way across.

Windows 8 - Waiting for Windows 7 to finish crossing.

Android - Is rolling up the road.


The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.

Email Signatures Explained

Originally from Buzzfeed, but cleaned up.

1. Thanks = Well done on reading this whole email.
2. Thanks! = Genuinely amazed you made it all the way through this.
3. Many thanks = Zero thanks.
4. Thank you = I am furious with you.
5. Thx = I think Zayn is my favourite member of 1D.
6. Regards = I really couldn’t care less.
7. Kind regards = I really couldn’t care less, but this is my way of appearing like I could.
8. KR = I couldn’t even be bothered to write the full words, that’s how kind my regards are.
9. Warm regards = If we ever meet I’ll probably try to smell your hair.
10. Warmest regards = your body hair.
11. Sincerely = Insincerely
12. Faithfully = The internet is the hub of all evil and I think the world’s problems would be solved if everyone just wrote handwritten letters.
13. Yours = There’s a picture of you on my pillow.
14. Cheers = Look at how normal I am!
15. Cheers mate = Look at how normal I am, now let’s get down the pub.
16. Ta = I am too busy to write whole words, so this noise shall suffice.
17. Bye = I hate you.
18. Goodbye = I hate everyone.
19. Best wishes = I have to write something here, and this will do.
20. Best = I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch.
21. Very best = I know what I’m going to have for lunch now and I’m super psyched.
22. All the best = BURRITO MINUS 30 MINUTES!
23. [Your name] = I can spell my own name!
24. [Your initials] = I can’t quite spell my own name.
25. :) = This emoticon is happier than I could ever hope to be. Why does no one love me???
26. ;) = I totally would.
27. Laters = I have so much disdain for you that I just made up a word.
28. Looking forward to hearing from you = REPLY IMMEDIATELY.
29. x = I’m flirty.
30. xxx = I’m currently under investigation for an HR violation.
31. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx = I’m not allowed to use scissors.
32. Take it easy = You’ll never see me again.
33. See you soon = Oh god I hope not.
34. Talk soon = See above.
35. Sent from my iPhone = I HAVE AN iPHONE (and more money than sense).
36. Sent from my iPhone so please excuse typos = I HAVE AN iPHONE (and more money than sense, but I can't be bothered to check my mails before pressing SEND).
37. Love = So lonely.
38. Lots of love = So very, very lonely.
39. Write back = Write back, or the cat gets it.
40. TTYL = YSPNTTMABIACAS (You Should Probably Never Talk To Me Again Because I Am Clearly A Sociopath)
41. Take care = I hope you die.

Original Here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/the-41-ways-to-sign-off-an-email-defined

No makeup

Barbie with freckles, bags over and under her eyes, frizzy hair, shiny skin and braces.  Nice one Eddi Aguirre. 

http://worldobserveronline.com/2013/04/07/mexican-graphic-artist-creates-barbie-without-makeup/

BBC's Character Invasion

I hope this works for +Edwar Cifuentes:-

Hello Mother (Muddah), Hello Father (Faddah)



"Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter from Camp)" is a Grammy Award-winning novelty song by Allan Sherman and Lou Busch, based on letters of complaint Allan received from his son Robert while Robert attended Camp Champlain in Westport, New York.

The song is a parody that complains about the fictional "Camp Granada" and is set to the tune of Amilcare Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours".

Hello muddah, hello faddah,
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining!

I went hiking with Joe Spivey,
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Lennard Skinard?
He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner!

All the counsellors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators!
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called 'Ulysses'.

No, I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunkmate has malaria!
You remember Geoffrey Hardy,
They're about to organize a searching party!

Take me home, oh muddah, faddah!
Take me home, I hate Granada.
Don't leave me out in the forest,
Where I might get eaten by a bear!

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay;
I've been here one whole day!

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me;
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me!

Wait a minute; it stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing.
Playing baseball, gee that's better.
Muddah, faddah, kindly disregard this letter!

Modern Relationships

A girl from Ghana fell in love online and wanted to get her father's blessing:-

Girl: Dad, I’m in love with a boy who lives far away from here. We live in Ghana, but he lives in the UK.  We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on WhatsApp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we’ve enjoyed a 2 month relationship through Viber.  I need your blessings and good wishes daddy.


Her father replied:-

Dad: Wow! Really?  Then get married on Twitter, spend your honeymoon on TripAdvisor, have fun on Tango. Buy your kids on Amazon, send them through Gmail. And if you get fed up with your husband…. sell him on  E-Bay!

(Anonymous: Revised from a message sent to me on Facebook.) 

For Equal Pay Day 2014

Mistranslated text, misspellings and bad grammar

All three of the above can be found in the murky world of the tattoo parlour.

A professional translation service recently launched a "Think Before You Ink" campaign to cut down the number of terrible tattoo travesties.

One man wanted to show the world how "awesome" but he ended up "awsome" instead.

A young lad was left with "Jenius" branded on his forehead.

A guy in Wales was branded a "Marshian" instead of "Martian".

And the danger of not being able to read what has been tattooed was very clear when one guy had Chinese characters tattooed on his back, they should have read "Live and Let Live", but actually translated to "Sweet and Sour Chicken"!

It's not just the men either.  One woman used an internet translation tool to declare her love for her boyfriend in Hebrew, but instead of "I love David" she got "Babylon is the world's leading dictionary and translation software" inked on her back.

Other tattoos included:  "Life go's on'", "No regerts", "It's get better", "go whereever the wind takes you", "What didn't killed me made me stronger", "Eightteen", "Streangth / Strenght", and "Prome queen".

My personal favourite is from one poor girl who wanted the name of her favourite flower the sweet pea, tattooed across her lower back was left with the words "Sweet Pee".

Five Facts About Reading


  1. Reading can make you a better conversationalist.
  2. Neighbours will never complain that your book is too loud.
  3. Knowledge by osmosis has not yet been perfected: You'd better read.
  4. Books have stopped bullets: Reading might save your life.
  5. Dinosaurs didn't read - look what happened to them.
Source

Thanks to Marianne for sharing.

Dog names

A girl was visiting her boyfriend, who had got two new dogs.  She asked him what he was going to call them. 

He told her one was named Rolex and the other one Timex. 

Surprised she said, 'Whoever heard of someone calling their dogs Rolex and Timex?'

'Think about it,' answered her boyfriend, 'They're 'watch' dogs!'

Try this ...


  1. Go to Google search.
  2. Make sure Google instant predictions are on (use  Preferences page).
  3. Type in the name of your country + is.
  4. Take a snippet of the result and post it on the net.
Here's one I made earlier:-


The UK is made up of ...
The UK is as big as what US state?
The UK is better than America.
The UK is boring.



Commas are important

"A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

Panda.  Large black-and-white, bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves." 

Definitions of the sciences

If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.

If it stinks, it's chemistry.

If you can't touch it it's physics.

If it has faults, it's geology.

If it's incomprehensible, it's applied mathematics.

If you can make it do whatever you want, it's statistics.

If it doesn't make sense, it's economics or psychology.

I know that when the water is lapping at your toes and everything is looking gloomy it's hard to crack a smile, but this review of hessian sandbags on Amazon made me LOL:-


Upon watching the truly realistic blockbuster movie, 2012, I was left with two choices in the face of the impending end-of-the-world calamity thing about to unfold. Either relocate to the tip of South Africa or purchase a mind-bendingly extensive array of sandbags. The latter seemed the easier option and was made especially convenient by Amazon's free delivery service.
The pack of 10 Hessian Sandbags (Unfilled) were delivered within 4 days and I was so excited by the prospect of being able to save my loved ones from the imminent apocalypse that I tore open the package right there in front of the postman. These sandbags are beauties. The postman was suitably impressed even though he was wearing a rather quizzical look and backing away somewhat. 
I unpacked them and laid them out on the floor. Perfect rectangles of hessian protection. (*Spoiler alert* - these sandbags do not contain sand). All I needed now was some sand and this was quickly solved by a midnight visit to my local park - the children's sandpit is such a source of fun and youthful engineering. And great sand. I even found an old Star Wars action figure lost in there. Result! Great memories! 
My bags were soon filled and giving me joy as they lay in a small easy-to-assemble wall-like fashion along the front of my homestead. Realizing that in order to protect everything I hold dear I would need slightly more than the 10 I had ordered I ventured back to my favourite web-based superstore. Imagine my surprise when I found that these sandy lovelies hadn't been reviewed before! 'There are no customer reviews yet' was music to my eyes. I'd be the first - what an honour and responsibility! 
My order of 600 was dispatched in days (thanks again, Amazon, you benevolent purveyor of all things sandbag!) and really took some filling! The newspaper reports on the missing children's sandpit were heartbreaking but ultimately necessary in the face of the imminent collapse of civilization early next year. 
I'd also like to flag up the geek-chicness of this purchase. I particularly liked the fact that customers who purchased the sandbags also purchased an Apple MacBook Pro. Mac users are very often pioneers and culture shapers so it felt like the bags had a hint of tech cool. I bet Steve Jobs has some too! I was smitten so I ordered one too (it was delivered at the same time as my bags - crazy cool!). Just so I could write this review on a shiny new fruit-based computer. 
Since I began ordering the sandbags I've also had the pleasure of receiving Amazon's informative and wonderfully numerous 'Recommendation' emails. 'Sahara' starring Matthew McConaughey has become a particular favorite of mine (all that lovely sand and he's quite the beefcake!). The 'Potato and Onion Vegetable Storage Sack' (purchased by 13% of customers who also viewed sandbags) have also been a hit and should prove useful in organizing our foodstuffs as the world breaks up. And, of course, I purchased a Blue-Ray spinning disc, special edition, directors cut of 2012 (gotta be prepared, John Cusack-style!). 
It is just unfortunate that Amazon don't sell the main ingredient for the perfect bag. Sand may be the most plentiful item on earth but Amazon doesn't supply it. Jeff, could you look into that, please? You know you rock. And rock makes sand. Eventually. 
Finally I'd just like to point out that these bags are sooo multi-functional it's unbelievable! They really are value for money in capital letters (VALUE FOR MONEY! Haha!). I've used them to prop open doors and even as occasional table ornamentation. They look grand with candles and and flowers! 
Anyway, I hope you have found this review as useful as I've found the product. I can no longer accept deliveries from Amazon or anyone else for that matter. These fantastic sandbags are protecting my home well and truly! I can't recommend them highly enough! Bring on next year!

Source: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/pdp/profile/A28EXK0R23UI04/ref=cm_cr_dp_pdp

The burglar sketch



Man: Burglar!  Burglar!

Woman: Yes?

Man: Burglar, madam.

Woman: What do you want?

Man: I want to come in and steal a few things, madam.

Woman: Are you an encyclopedia salesman?

Man: No, madam, I'm a burglar.  I burgle people.

Woman: I think you're an encyclopedia salesman.

Man: Oh, I'm not.  Open the door - let me in, please.

Woman: If I let you in, you'll sell me encyclopedias.

Man: I won't madam.  I just want to come in - ransack the flat.  Honestly!

Woman: Promise? No encyclopedias?

Man: None at all.

Woman: All right, you'd better come in then.

Man: Mind you, I don't know whether you've ever really considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of modern encyclopedias.  You know, they can do you really wonders.





"February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February." Lemony Snicket

Running sessions on-line - LOL

Not just conference calls, it also applies to ESL / EFL sessions online too. All of these things have happened to us at some time or other. Some can't be helped, but other problems just require a bit of discipline and a good moderator.



Thanks to +Aladdin Pasha for sharing. 

Language Learning - Be careful (some swearing)

Take care when you learn a new language. No really, be careful, especially if you take my advice to, "Mimic famous people, play with the different accents in films etc."

http://www.learnenglish.de/ImproveEnglish/improvespeakingpage.html

Most annoying office behaviour in Britain

This was shared on the forum.


  1. Social Notworking – messing around on Facebook and Twitter to avoid doing work – 26% 
  2.  Déjà Brew – offering to make someone a cup of tea when you know for a fact they’ve just had one in the hope they will decline - 21% 
  3. Blue sky drinking – an unlimited free bar at a work party – 18% 
  4. Drainstorm – a poorly organised workshop, where everyone leaves feeling deflated – 15% 
  5. Human Desourcing – sacking people – 12% 
  6. Jambivalence – ignoring a printer blockage in the hope that someone else will fix it 12% 
  7. Google Naps – using Google to work out what time colleagues in the US will be sleeping, to avoid them replying to emails – 11% 
  8. W.T.F?! – the realisation that it is only Tuesday, and you have ‘Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?!’ still to go.
  9. Stock Home Syndrome – pinching stuff from the office - 7% 
  10. Shout-of-office – Someone who wants every single person in the building to know they are off on holiday – 6%

Source - The Independent

The Common People - Parental Advisory - Some swearing

Too good not to share.

Ten funny things that happen to your body as you get old

Here are the ten funniest things that happen to your body as you get old

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Especially for +Xeb eke+sciencera dz+Aladdin Pasha+Fernando Lestau and everyone else who attended any of the "getting old" sessions in Kitely.