Featured post

Tough Interview Questions

Job review company Glassdoor have compiled a list of the toughest interview questions by country. Here are the toughest from the UK for 20...

Olives grow in olive groves.

Have I discovered a new tongue twister?

Hug a developer

Everything written here is so, so true:-

I speak no English

The real danger of learning English by rote.


Dave: We're closed.

Scott: Hello? I just want you to tell me where a shoe store is because I want to look for a pair of shoes and buy 'em, mayhap.

Dave: I'm sorry. I'd love to be of assistance to you, but I'm afraid I speak no English.

Scott: Pardon?

Dave: Ah. I see by the expression on your face that you are confused by my statement. Perhaps you doubt its veracity, but let me assure you, I speak not a word of English.

Scott: What are you talking about, huh?

Dave: You see, everything that I am saying to you I have learned to speak phonetically. As to the meanings of the individual words or the percumbant rules of syntax, I haven't a clue.

Scott: Why don't you just shut up and tell me where the shoe store is, huh, you jerk?

Dave: Allow me to reiterate, I speak no English. Perhaps this will wash the confusion from your face, my friend. My apparent fluency is the result of constant repetition. As you can imagine, I have been through this speech many times before, in fact, I could repeat it for you in any one of seven different languages. Yet oddly enough, I've never learned to speak it in my own, which is fine since over the years I have forgotten how to speak my own language.

Scott: Just shut up and tell me where the shoe store is, huh?

Dave: Thank you, would you like to fight me now or are you a coward?

Scott: Don't die.

Dave: I don't know what you're saying.

Scott: I just wanted to buy a pair of shoes, huh?

Dave: No habla espanol, senor.

Scott: Just got feet, don't got shoes.

Dave: Nein. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

That's right Einstein

If someone calls you "Einstein", it's probably not meant as a compliment, it's sarcasm. It's like calling you a clever clogs, or smart ass.


[A guy is in the middle of painting a front porch and someone walks up to him.]

Unknown guy: So, you're doing a little painting huh?

Painter: That's right Einstein. What tipped you off? I mean, I've been trying so hard to keep it a secret here. Hey Einstein?

Einstein: Look, not everything that comes out of my mouth is the theory of relativity. So can the sarcasm!

Painter: Sorry, did I hurt your genius feelings?

Einstein: Walk away, walk away... you're the genius, he's the painter. You figure things out, he paints things up. You're clearly the winner here.

A tough nut to crack

We use the idiom "a tough nut to crack" to talk about problems that are difficult to solve, or to talk about people who won't do what you want them to.

However, this video is about a nut that is really tough to crack.

Cat Laws - For Spooky 1995 - 2009

  • Always give generously. A small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, I care.
  • Climb your way to the top. That's why the curtains are there.
  • Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
  • Find your place in the sun. Especially if it happens to be on that nice pile of warm, clean laundry.
  • If you're not receiving enough attention, try knocking over several expensive antique vases.
  • Life is hard, then you nap.
  • Make your mark in the world. Or at least spray in each corner.
  • Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone's face.
  • Variety is the spice of life. One day ignore people, the next day annoy them.
  • When eating out, think nothing of sending back your meal twenty or thirty times.
  • When in doubt, cop an attitude.

Lexophile Fun with English - Part 6

I couldn't manage 10 this time:-

  1. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  2. When the cannibals ate the missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  3. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
  4. Relief - What trees do in the spring. 

Thoughts on weight loss and exercise

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at £7000 a month.

My granddad started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a gym last year, it costs £700 a year, but I haven't lost any weight. Apparently you have to actually go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good, doesn't she?'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know that I took a lot of exercise over the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Duck House Scandal

The recent scandals involving British politicians and their expenses included one who claimed to have a duck house built in his moat (not something the average semi in the UK has). This video is a lovely bit of mockery:-

What's Up by F. S. Endicott

We've got a two-letter word we use constantly that may have more meaning than any other. The word is up.

It is easy to understand up meaning toward the sky or toward the top of a list. But when we waken, why do we wake up? At a meeting, why does a topic come up, why do participants speak up, and why are the officers up for election? And is it up to the secretary to write up a report?

Often the little word isn't needed, but we use it anyway. We brighten up a room, fix up the old car and polish up the silver. At other times, it has special meanings. People stir up trouble, work up an appetite, get tied up in traffic. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed up is special. It may be confusing, but a drain must be opened up because it is stopped up. We open up a store in the morning and close it up at night. We seem to me mixed up about up.

To be up on the proper use of up look up the word in your dictionary. In one desk-size dictionary up takes up half a page, and listed definitions add up to about 40. If you are up to it, you might try building up a list of the many ways in which up is used. It will take up a lot of your time but, if you don't give up, you may wind up with a thousand.