Featured post

Tough Interview Questions

Job review company Glassdoor have compiled a list of the toughest interview questions by country. Here are the toughest from the UK for 20...

Teleprompter breakdown

Fish and Chips and Chips

To anyone who enjoys a glass of wine...

And to those who, for whatever reason, don't and are always seen with a glass of water in their hand and a sanctimonious look upon their face.

As Ben Franklin said:
"In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria."

In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other liquor, because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and say something stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm posting it as a public service.

Thanks to James.

Funny Definitions

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Beauty Parlour: A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Committee: A group of people who keep minutes and waste hours.

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Myth: A female moth.

Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.

Raisin: A grape with sunburn.

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Toothache: Pain that drives you to extraction.

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

The question is - Can

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Ghosts can walk through walls, so why don't they fall through the floor?

Can you travel so far east that you're heading west?

Can an estate agent sell his office without causing confusion?

Can eyebrows be considered facial hair?

Can you daydream at night?

Can it be that because light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Can crop circles be square?

Can something be "new" and "improved"? If it's new, what is it improving on?

Can we get in hot water by skating on thin ice?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

Can you handcuff a one-armed man?

Can cannibals be arrested for drink driving if they eat someone who is drunk?

Can another planet have an earthquake?

Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?

Can you make square doughnuts?

Can a bee be allergic to pollen?

Can you cry under water?

Can you soak a raisin in water to turn back into a grape?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the taxi lane?

Can you blow a bubble in space?

Can bald people get dandruff?

Can you yawn in your sleep?

My room / It's mine | Your room / It's yours

Great for practising the possessive pronoun - with a bit of slapstick violence thrown in for good measure:-

Woman to English Dictionary

She says  -  English

Yes.  -   No.
No.  -  No.
Maybe -  No.
You want  -  You want
We need  -  I want
It's your decision.  -  The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want.  -  You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk.  -   I need to complain.
Sure . . . go ahead.  -   I don't want you to.
I'm not upset.  -   Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're . . . so manly.   -  You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.  -   I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient.  -   I want a new house
We need (see above)  new curtains . .  -    and carpeting, furniture and wallpaper
Hang the picture there.  -   No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise.   -   I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?  -   I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?  -  I did something today you're not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute.  -  Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Am I fat?  -  Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate better.  -  Just agree with me.
I'm sorry.  -  You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe?  -  It's easy to make, so you'd better get used to it.
I'm not yelling!   -  Of course I am yelling, this is important!
Are you listening to me?  -   Too late, you're dead.